I'm a Big Girl Now

Deuteronomy 7:17 says it all, "If you say in your heart, 'These nations are greater than I.  How can I dispossess them'".......That's what I do all day, if I don't catch myself.  I don't even know I'm doing it, but then, I say "in my heart" or even out loud to myself at other times, "I can't do this!  This is too hard!"  which is really no different than "these nations are greater than I....how will I dispossess them"!  I love that verses like this are included in the Bible.  God is acknowledging the fact that the Israelites have been given a job that is really too big for them, knocking out 7 other nations, "mightier and more numerous" than them.  He also acknowledges the fact that they are more than likely going to be afraid knowing the facts about what they have to do.   He also recognizes that they might not say they are afraid out loud, but in their hearts, which means they'll have thoughts and fears swirling in their heads.  Hmmmm...sounds familiar.  And, finally, He acknowledges that they are going to have questions, lots of questions about how in the world they are even supposed to do it.  How are they supposed to take this on?  How are they supposed to get the job done?  It all just makes no sense and they have no idea what to do, besides the fact they are totally freaking out.

This whole garden thing is not unlike taking out 7 nations, I swear.  But, I'm already seeing why I have to do it.  My kids are watching me.  They are watching RM and they are half-laughing and half-shaking their heads, but they are also catching some really cool lessons and, because of who I am, I can't shut up about what I want them to learn because all day long I tell them.  Yesterday, as I read these verses to them, I told them about how I was struggling with the garden, the planning, the ordering, the organization of it all (and on and on the list goes) and I asked them, "Isn't it just like taking on the seven subjects of school?  or the 7 lessons in math that are too hard?"  Instead of the Amorites, the Hittites, the Gergashites...I replaced it with the Fractionites, the Decimalites, the Muliplicationites (so clever, I thought)...I showed them that just how I am taking on the 7 nations, they can, too.  Scripture is sure coming alive right now.

The truth is, I'm actually doing much  better since I got out of the River of Misery.  RM continues to push me out of my comfort zone, however, and is taking advantage of this new version of me.  Every time he sees fear creeping in to my head, he reminds me of the fact I'm a new person, darn it.  Normally we would order seeds together, plant together, shop together.  Nope.  He's in the vines now.  He's in the "cellar".  So he'll say, "Here's the spreadsheet for what we need to order....can you do this?"  I HATE doing that kind of thing.  I DESPISE IT.  So, the annoying new version of me says, "Ok".  So, there I sat for hours scrolling through what seemed like hundreds of pages of seed choices.  Who knew there were 1000 different types of lettuce?  1000 different types of EVERYTHING.  Talk about time consuming.  The reason I hate it is because it reveals my weaknesses which happens to be, wait for it - decision making.  And not just decision making, but quick decision making.  That just does not go with choosing seeds in a timely fashion.  So I started the task and unbelievably finished the task.  I do not know why there weren't fireworks after I was done.  That was a HUGE accomplishment for me.  I also ran out and picked up other seeds that we needed right away at the local store and, again, unbelievably, made somewhat quick decisions ALL BY MYSELF (yes, that sounds like I'm 3, but I just really struggle in that area!).  Then, like a big girl, who pulls up her big girl pants, I planted the seeds, all by myself and for the first time in forever, I can say I started transplants ON TIME.  Again, no fireworks....why, I ask?!  These are HUGE DEALS!!!  The funniest part and the worst part all at the same time is the room we were building for my son, who never even knew we were going to give it to him, has temporarily turned into a seedling room!  Oops!  Sorry about that!  But this is the miracle in the whole process....as we were building it, we suddenly started to notice how perfect it would be to grow the seeds.  It was like my eyes opened.  It was out of the way, not in the kitchen, not in a walkway, near water, in a warm place, lots of light and windows....I couldn't believe it.  It was also the perfect size for two big tables so I could put literally hundreds of plants in there.  My son will still get it, just not yet.  I'm in awe that I have a seedling room, in this house, only God could do that.  And I feel like it is just another confirmation that He is with me in this.

Deuteronomy 7 says many more things, but I'll just share one more verse that blew me out of the water.  As I read this a day or two ago, I couldn't believe it.  It says, "And because you listen to these rules and keep and do them, the Lord your God will keep with you the covenant and the steadfast love that he swore to your fathers. 13 He will love you, bless you, and multiply you. He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your wine and your oil, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock, in the land that he swore to your fathers to give you."  There it is in black and white....He loves me and promises to bless me and not just any kind of blessing, but the fruit of "your ground, your grain and your wine" - uh, we just happen to be growing all of those things.  Well, hay, maybe not grain, but pretty close.  It was a phrase that just encouraged me so much.  I just happen to be struggling with all that we are taking on and these verses "just happen" to be where I'm reading right now.  Again, only God could plan that.

Well, off I go now.  I'm getting a minor surgical procedure done today - a weird cyst thing on my back - short and sweet.  I'm not worried as I've had so many encouragements this week...thanking God for His Word yet again.