No Fear, No Panic, No Dread - Take 2

Saturday was the next step in my gardening journey.  I put in yet another order of seeds - the numbers are astronomically alarming how many seeds are coming.  The first set of seeds, which are yet to arrive, hopefully today, were for the transplants.  Because there was no sign of them, thanks to covid delays in shipping, I ran out and bought what I could at the nearest store and began some of the key transplants, such as tomatoes and peppers, indoors.  They were the most critical as they require 2 months at least before being put outside in May and June.  The next order I made on Saturday were for the direct seeds, such as lettuce, radish, beans, etc.  Those can go right in the ground and will pop up all on their own.

What was overwhelming was the reality that now I'm committed....or....I'll be growing enough for 50 families for no reason!  That's a lot of lettuce and you can't freeze lettuce, so I better sell a lot of lettuce now.  The other thing that hit me was how critical the garden prep is going to be now.  We can't just hope that the garden is going to get raked and that's it.  No....we are about to start the back breaking work of garden bed prep on a level we've never done.  We will be adding soil amendments, making new beds, buying row cover, mulch, compost, etc.  I understand why organic food of any kind that you buy locally costs more - we've already invested a lot of money and that's not including the labour costs.  I'm going to be ok when people see what the prices will be - I'm not doing all this for free.

Many years ago I read in Deuteronomy 20, "Do no fear or panic or be in dread....let not your heart faint....."  I have to admit, those feelings come up regularly around here, but I'm learning to recognize them and I fight against them all the time.  It also says, "Is there any man who is fearful and fainthearted?  Let him go back to his house, lest he make the heart of his fellows melt like his own."  What a great verse!  I can definitely be fearful and fainthearted, but when I'm around my kids, I sound super brave.  I have to!  If I sound fearful and fainthearted, then they are as well.  I admit to them that I do not have it all together and that I can be afraid, but I mostly try to sound like a cheerleader.  I try to get them all excited about the summer, even about the work.  I am excited about the work, mostly!

RM and I talk about financial freedom all the time.  We could have it tomorrow if we just sold the farm.  We could easily move into a smaller place without land, be debt-free, and then.......and then, what?  Sit around wishing we had a farm?  We know, in a way, we've chosen the harder life, but I'm ok with that.  We have 9-10 more years of child-rearing.  It is going so fast.  We have basically finished with the older 4.  They are starting their own lives, finishing school, moving on to relationships, work, etc.  We had the farm for a lot of their lives and we are quite convinced it helped make them who they are, so we are willing to invest another ten years, with a hard work farming lifestyle for the next four and we are trusting the Lord for health and the ability to manage that.

We watched a homeschool conference this past week and watched one speaker in particular say that whatever you plan, whatever you dream, just hold it out with an open hand - do not demand that it has to go a certain way.  So that is what we do.  We have a lot of plans and dreams, with the garden, the farm, the next ten years, but......we hold on to it very loosely.  We offer it all up to the Lord and say, "Lord willing....." and if He wants to change our plans, our directions, so be it.  It's the only way to live.

So, Lord willing, the seeds will come today, then I will be ordering trays and cells for more transplants.  Then I will plant those seeds and then we will start the garden prep and the ordering for all that.  I hope to make the big announcement that we are doing all of this on social media this week which will then start the beginning of customers.  Actually I have 2 customers already just because I've been talking about it with whoever will listen to me, so that's exciting!

No fear, no panic, no dread - just like it was for me years ago, who knows what I was dreading then, I will still work on keeping the fear, panic and dread at bay with the Lord's help.

I'm Just the Gardner's Assistant

I've been stuck in Deuteronomy now for weeks, in a good way.  Because it has been impacting me so profoundly we decided as a family to read it verse by verse every night until we get through the book.  Yesterday is was Deuteronomy 1 as a family, but chapter 11 for me just in my personal study.  What jumped out at me was a verse I've used more than once as a "New Year's" verse, but reading it yesterday - in context - (isn't that so critical?) made me realize it might actually be an "Agricultural New Year's" verse!  Here's the context:

"The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. 11 But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. 12 It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end...then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil. 15 I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied."

This passage was such an encouragement to me.  It speaks of everything I'm concerned about, the very issues I bring up with my husband all the time - what about irrigation?  how will we irrigate our garden, as that was one of our failures over the last few garden attempts.  Yet, again, the Lord is so specific in His care for the Israelites.  He even assures them about their irrigation.  In Egypt they "irrigated it by foot", which I'm assuming meant they had to come up with a manual way of doing it as they couldn't rely on the rain.  This past week I read that very thing in a gardening book.  It said that if you rely on rain, your garden will suffer as climate change has made rain unreliable now.  In other words, you have to establish some form of  "irrigation by foot" - i.e., sprinklers or drip watering systems.  Yikes.  Do you know how much work that is or how much expense that is?  You would have to be an engineer or have some kind of unlimited budget to figure out a system of watering a large amount of space.....my head can barely get around it.  But then, God, in such a practical way reassures the Israelites EVEN IN THEIR WATERING, that He will care for them, "But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of (crossing that river again) is a land of mountains and valleys THAT DRINKS RAIN FROM HEAVEN.  I couldn't believe it when I read it.  He cares about the irrigation of my garden.  He bothers to include one of their concerns.  Does this mean I don't set up a sprinkler system?  To be honest, we were planning on it, but what this verse tells me, is to stop worrying about all the things I worry about, even watering the garden.  He will help us even in the irrigation of it!  And, as the epic Gardener, of all gardeners, He even includes phrases like, "I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil".  Crazy.  I've been purchasing seeds that say "early growth" and "later growth".  Both types of seeds will need the spring rain and the autumn rain.  God knows there are different times rain will be more needed because He designed the seeds!  He knows how to garden better than I do.  

Here is the verse I normally use for a new year, "...it is a land the Lord your God cares for, the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from beginning of the year to its end." Of course it could be referring to January - the way we view our calendar, but the fact it talks about the autumn and spring rains makes me think He is referring to the agricultural year - from the planting to the harvesting and then even to the time when the garden rests throughout the winter.  He is watching over the gardens of the Israelites ALL YEAR LONG.  That is so cool!

I am just so amazed at how God continues to take every single thing I have a concern about and He just keeps saying, "No, I've got that under control, and that, and that, and that....."  Anything I can think of that I'm afraid of or worried about He reminds me of His abilities to control everything - including the rain and how my garden will be irrigated.

I'm running out of the things to worry about so I guess I better just be quiet and watch the Gardener work all things out.  Turns out I'm just His assistant.

Two Weeks Later

I'm nearly two weeks from post-surgery.  Turns out I had to have two surgeries back to back.  What was supposed to be routine surgery, where a "lipoma" was removed, ended up becoming a hematoma surgery as I guess they missed cauterizing a blood vessel after the first surgery.  I had no idea what was going on.  All I knew was I woke up from surgery one and was asked by the nurse what my pain levels were. "Four," I said.  Then suddenly, I said, "No.....seven, eight....?"  She quickly went and looked at my back and called the doctor.  I guess the broken blood vessel was creating quite the mess under my skin, blood was pooling and raising into something not good.  This is where I'm just so grateful.  Somehow the doctor and the whole surgical team was still there.  Somehow they managed to organize everything quickly and I, unbelievably, went back into surgery to fix the hematoma.  What if I had been at home?  So grateful I wasn't.  So all went well and I slept the day away.  I ended up with a 5 inch incision and bruising all over, but not even two weeks later and I'm pretty much back to normal.  I think I have a health angel.

Now that that is, literally, behind me, I'm back at garden planting.  I have lots of transplants going and am waiting anxiously for the seeds we ordered a while ago.  Hopefully they come soon.

RM is in the vines pruning.  I will go in today, tying up what he pruned.  All the kids have been asked to give 2-4 hours a day starting this week.  This will be a whole family affair otherwise we won't get in done in time.  Then, I start in the concords and I'll begin my vine crafts again.  

This will probably be the week I start selling CSA boxes.  I've written the blurb explaining what it is and am excited to see what comes of it.  I have yet to post it though.  If I post it, then people will actually respond or will they?  or won't they?  See, I'm still kind of freaking out in my mind.  I still can't believe this could actually happen.  I still think we're half nuts or maybe entirely nuts, but every time I think or say that, I'll read another verse on fear or my husband will stop me and remind me about my lack of faith, so I plow ahead....haha, get it?  Plow?  So many great farming phrases....how hard can it be to grow a garden, really.....

Easter was a lovely day, beautiful sun and warmer than it had been, but it has become so awful to not connect with family.  How long can this go on?

We know we are entering potentially the last season of being 10 people.  Older kids are getting more serious in their relationships and we know life is going to change soon, so we are trying to enjoy and embrace these final days and months just the ten of us.  I'm praying that I will live in the moment these days, not looking too far ahead, or wishing for this or that to happen, or even dreading or worrying about the future.  I recognize each day is a gift and I want to try to appreciate each moment.

I will say the pandemic has allowed me to let go of certain things that used to stress me out, like a messy house.  I still long for order, but this past week when the lockdown was extended, my 10 year old wanted to move all the toys out of the toy room under the stairs so he could have a little "nook"/bedroom.  "Sure!  Why not?" I said.  This means all my toy crates are all over the place now as they really have no home otherwise, but who cares?  No one is coming over anyway.  And so that is a great example of letting stuff go that would normally make me crazy.  And now, the funny thing is, he's moved in there and has slept in there for days.  

What a funny house we have.  Entering the final stage of school before the summer....man, time flies....

I'm a Big Girl Now

Deuteronomy 7:17 says it all, "If you say in your heart, 'These nations are greater than I.  How can I dispossess them'".......That's what I do all day, if I don't catch myself.  I don't even know I'm doing it, but then, I say "in my heart" or even out loud to myself at other times, "I can't do this!  This is too hard!"  which is really no different than "these nations are greater than I....how will I dispossess them"!  I love that verses like this are included in the Bible.  God is acknowledging the fact that the Israelites have been given a job that is really too big for them, knocking out 7 other nations, "mightier and more numerous" than them.  He also acknowledges the fact that they are more than likely going to be afraid knowing the facts about what they have to do.   He also recognizes that they might not say they are afraid out loud, but in their hearts, which means they'll have thoughts and fears swirling in their heads.  Hmmmm...sounds familiar.  And, finally, He acknowledges that they are going to have questions, lots of questions about how in the world they are even supposed to do it.  How are they supposed to take this on?  How are they supposed to get the job done?  It all just makes no sense and they have no idea what to do, besides the fact they are totally freaking out.

This whole garden thing is not unlike taking out 7 nations, I swear.  But, I'm already seeing why I have to do it.  My kids are watching me.  They are watching RM and they are half-laughing and half-shaking their heads, but they are also catching some really cool lessons and, because of who I am, I can't shut up about what I want them to learn because all day long I tell them.  Yesterday, as I read these verses to them, I told them about how I was struggling with the garden, the planning, the ordering, the organization of it all (and on and on the list goes) and I asked them, "Isn't it just like taking on the seven subjects of school?  or the 7 lessons in math that are too hard?"  Instead of the Amorites, the Hittites, the Gergashites...I replaced it with the Fractionites, the Decimalites, the Muliplicationites (so clever, I thought)...I showed them that just how I am taking on the 7 nations, they can, too.  Scripture is sure coming alive right now.

The truth is, I'm actually doing much  better since I got out of the River of Misery.  RM continues to push me out of my comfort zone, however, and is taking advantage of this new version of me.  Every time he sees fear creeping in to my head, he reminds me of the fact I'm a new person, darn it.  Normally we would order seeds together, plant together, shop together.  Nope.  He's in the vines now.  He's in the "cellar".  So he'll say, "Here's the spreadsheet for what we need to order....can you do this?"  I HATE doing that kind of thing.  I DESPISE IT.  So, the annoying new version of me says, "Ok".  So, there I sat for hours scrolling through what seemed like hundreds of pages of seed choices.  Who knew there were 1000 different types of lettuce?  1000 different types of EVERYTHING.  Talk about time consuming.  The reason I hate it is because it reveals my weaknesses which happens to be, wait for it - decision making.  And not just decision making, but quick decision making.  That just does not go with choosing seeds in a timely fashion.  So I started the task and unbelievably finished the task.  I do not know why there weren't fireworks after I was done.  That was a HUGE accomplishment for me.  I also ran out and picked up other seeds that we needed right away at the local store and, again, unbelievably, made somewhat quick decisions ALL BY MYSELF (yes, that sounds like I'm 3, but I just really struggle in that area!).  Then, like a big girl, who pulls up her big girl pants, I planted the seeds, all by myself and for the first time in forever, I can say I started transplants ON TIME.  Again, no fireworks....why, I ask?!  These are HUGE DEALS!!!  The funniest part and the worst part all at the same time is the room we were building for my son, who never even knew we were going to give it to him, has temporarily turned into a seedling room!  Oops!  Sorry about that!  But this is the miracle in the whole process....as we were building it, we suddenly started to notice how perfect it would be to grow the seeds.  It was like my eyes opened.  It was out of the way, not in the kitchen, not in a walkway, near water, in a warm place, lots of light and windows....I couldn't believe it.  It was also the perfect size for two big tables so I could put literally hundreds of plants in there.  My son will still get it, just not yet.  I'm in awe that I have a seedling room, in this house, only God could do that.  And I feel like it is just another confirmation that He is with me in this.

Deuteronomy 7 says many more things, but I'll just share one more verse that blew me out of the water.  As I read this a day or two ago, I couldn't believe it.  It says, "And because you listen to these rules and keep and do them, the Lord your God will keep with you the covenant and the steadfast love that he swore to your fathers. 13 He will love you, bless you, and multiply you. He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your wine and your oil, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock, in the land that he swore to your fathers to give you."  There it is in black and white....He loves me and promises to bless me and not just any kind of blessing, but the fruit of "your ground, your grain and your wine" - uh, we just happen to be growing all of those things.  Well, hay, maybe not grain, but pretty close.  It was a phrase that just encouraged me so much.  I just happen to be struggling with all that we are taking on and these verses "just happen" to be where I'm reading right now.  Again, only God could plan that.

Well, off I go now.  I'm getting a minor surgical procedure done today - a weird cyst thing on my back - short and sweet.  I'm not worried as I've had so many encouragements this week...thanking God for His Word yet again.

The River of Misery and the Next Version of Me 51.0

If my husband has a pet peeve about me it's that he'll tell me something, suggest something or remind me of something I should think about or do and I listen to him, but don't always act on it until I hear it from someone else or from a book or some other source.  He can't really be mad at me, I swear I have a Biblical reason!  Whenever a big thing is about to happen in my life or when God is trying to talk to me He regularly and consistently uses three different ways to get through to me.  He ALWAYS uses my husband first.  Next, it is Scripture and then lastly it is either a friend or a book or a speaker I listen to.  When it finally gets to the last person or means, suddenly my eyes are opened and I usually come running back to him with my new revelation and he sits there rolling his eyes, saying, "I KNOW!  Remember, I told you this first!"  I'm no different than little Samuel in the Bible.  God had to speak to him three times in order for him to know it was God and that's what happens to me.  I actually really love it because I feel like it really is God trying to speak to me very clearly when this happens.

This happened to me on Saturday morning.  For weeks and weeks my husband has been trying to get me to listen to some podcasts by one of the farmers he follows on instagram.  I have no time for this kind of thing, so I just haven't, but recently, in our new fitness regime, I'm on the stationary bike a lot and I hate it, so I like to fill my time by listening to something.  I told him to suggest something and he got me to listen to this woman, Charlotte Smith - it may sound funny, but she's a coach for farmers who long to be profitable in their farm business.  I put the podcast on and within seconds, I couldn't believe all the things she was saying.  It was as if she was speaking to me directly.  Her whole message was how you cannot expect growth AND ease in farming.  They just don't go together.  Whenever a farm wants to move to the next stage and become more profitable, it won't come without some pain.  She started to talk about people like me.  People like me make the decision to do something, like selling CSA harvest boxes, and then they freak out.  She calls this jumping in to the "River of Misery".  That is exactly what happened to me.  A few weeks ago, I had read a few pages in a book about the kind of garden I longed to have and how to do it and I got really excited!  I started talking to my husband about it and how I thought maybe this was something we could do and then within seconds, I freaked out, just like she said.  I started literally listing all my fears, doubts and insecurities.  I listed all the reasons why I couldn't do it.  I talked myself right out of doing it.  Charlotte Smith stopped me dead in my tracks and said, "When you find yourself in the River of Misery, it's ok!  It's completely normal!  Don't be surprised by this!  It means you are growing and the pain you are experiencing is good!"  

The point of her podcast was to recognize that in order to achieve big goals like the ones we are setting is to stop thinking these goals can be achieved with ease.  Like I said, growth and ease do not go together.  Everyone knows this, but most people don't like discomfort and when it goes on too long, they give up.  Once I recognized I was in the River, I started to really ask myself what I was truly afraid of.  It came down to this - I was going to have to learn new things and I didn't want to.  I was going to have to learn how to do so many things from marketing, to social media, to real gardening....so many things I'm not comfortable with.  She started talking to me again and called me out on that in a pretend conversation. She said, "Yes, that's it.  You need to grow into the next version of you."  But I don't want to do that!  She then said, "Why?  Why won't you change?  Why aren't you willing to learn those new things?"  "Because it's hard!"  I said.  Then she said, "But what are your goals?  What is your purpose?  Why do you want to have a big garden and sell CSA boxes anyway".  Right away I had so many answers.  I want to contribute to the family economy.  I want to keep my children occupied in a productive way and give all of us purpose for living.  I want to be involved in our community and meet people and ultimately bring people to the Lord through my garden.  I want to bless others with food by giving it away.   I want to be a good steward with the land God has so clearly given us.  It would be a waste to not grow vegetables!  My list of whys went on and on.  Then she asked me, "Then what is the cost if you don't do it?"   That was the kicker.  If I don't do it, my kids will play on the computer all day.  They'll waste away.  I'll waste away.  There are many other costs, but those were the big ones.  Then she said, "Well then, you are just going to have to learn new things, aren't you?  You are going to have to grow into that new version of you and this is the thing - you can do that!"  It was really that simple.  My eyes were suddenly opened.

I started to think of it like "Me 1.0" .  I like that version of me.  When I look back over the years, I started off as the 1.0 version of me.  Not unlike a cell phone, I've been upgraded multiple times.  Every time I learn a new skill, I move up to a 2.0 or 3.0.  By travelling overseas to teach, to having a large family, to building a house, buying a farm, by now I'm probably at the highest version of me yet.  The 51.0, I guess.  But, I've had enough learning.  I don't want to improve or learn anymore.  Enough is enough.  Can't I just relax?  Can't I just stay the same for once?  For heaven's sake, I can pickles and beets!  I feel like that is enough growing for one person.  I do not need to or want to improve and learn new skills anymore.  She said, "That's fine.  You don't have to.  You can stay the same and be like all the other people who don't grow....but the farms and the farmers who choose to grow and choose to move past the River of Misery, those are the ones who are profitable and who achieve their goals."  Darn it.

So, I was sitting on my dumb stationary bike and I was literally growling.  I was so mad.  I peddled faster and angrier than ever.  I knew something awful was going on inside of me.  I was waging war with myself, in my own mind.  Who would win, old me or the new me that wanted to come out?  I stumbled upstairs finally and looked at my husband and told him how much I couldn't stand the podcast.  He was shocked.  I explained how she wouldn't leave me alone and kept calling me out on my bad attitude.  "I don't want to change!"  I yelled.  "I don't want to grow!"  But then finally, I admitted defeat, "Ok!  I give up!  I'll do it!"  And just like that, I jumped out of the River of Misery.  I had made it through!  Suddenly, it was like the scales fell off my eyes.  What was so hard about learning a few new skills?  I could do that!  I wasn't going to be doing it all alone.  RM had already reminded me he would be coming alongside me.  My kids would be helping me, too.  And, so all my fears started to vanish again and I felt excited.  Maybe I could really be a profitable farm!  

This is how I really knew I was out of the River.  We had talked about selling maybe 10 boxes this year, just in case the garden wasn't successful.  We had also talked about maybe not even selling any and just making them available at the side of the road or online if the vegetables grew well.  After that awful podcast, we decided, enough is enough, we're doing this.  We are selling 25 for sure and we are going to 100% sell 25 more at the side of the road.  We ran out, got the seeds yesterday, all the mini pots for transplanting, and started the whole process.  We now have a seedling room temporarily set up on in the mudroom and we are doing this.  A flyer will be put together and I will go door to door handing that out.  My husband shakes his head.  He can't understand what has happened to me.  He thinks it's just because of Charlotte Smith as he had been telling me all the things she said before she said them to me.  No.  He had told me all those things, to not be afraid, to set goals, to learn new things.  Then I had read over and over in Scripture recently about not being afraid to "possess the land", but she was the final blow.  She was the 3rd thing God used to get through to me.  RM is getting used to this and is patient with me as I learn these new things.

So I can't believe it.  I'm going to grow again.  I'm going to learn new skills that I've been dreading and I am going to make us a profitable farm this summer.  My goals are ridiculously high and I'm super excited about it.  It's official.  The next version of me is coming soon......

20, 40, 60.....

I read such a great verse yesterday in Deuteronomy 6.  It starts off with such a simple phrase, "When your son asks you in time......"  Our children want to know what the Bible means.  They want to know what "testimonies and the statutes and the rules" are that "the Lord has commanded you".  They will also want to know all of our stories and how the Bible even applies to us and to them.  Verse 21 goes on and says, "then you shall say to your son, 'We were Pharoah's slaves in Egypt.  And the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand.  And the Lord showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharoah and all his household, before our eyes.'"  Yesterday, as I read this, I realized the younger four know some of the stories, but not all of them, so I took some time to recall a few of the stories and the reason I told them wasn't because they asked, but because one day their children may ask them and I wanted them to know what to say!  "Then you shall say to your son...."  That phrase implies, "You better tell them!"  Tell them what?!  Like I said, all the stories, all the miracles, how we were rescued from slavery.....

So many years ago when the older 3 were little and the 4th child was on the way, we had just started homeschooling and I could see how it was getting harder and harder each day for my husband to go to work for the long commute.  The restlessness was there and so the children and I began to pray that Daddy would be able to come home somehow, to start his own business.  The very long story short was that he got a miraculous contract, allowing him to quit his job and come home.  The time he had with the kids for those 12 years was amazing.  So many miracles happened during that time.  I told them about that time....

After many years of on again/off again work, the contracts started to dry up and we knew that he would need to look for work again which was a very hard decision to make.  I told them yesterday about the blueberry picking miracle.  That was the day I went blueberry picking with a friend, not knowing why I was even going with this particular friend.  It was the first day of a fast where I was crying out to God to show us what to do on behalf of my husband.  That day she and I got in a long conversation about being debt-free, my husband's work situation, etc.  She was the one who suggested he apply to the college.  I had just assumed he never could without a Master's or Ph.d.  I went home to tell him my great idea and found out he already had applied!  It was the most amazing "coincidence"!  He obviously got the job and here we are today, always so grateful for the provision of work and the miracles that happened to get us there.  I told them that story....

We know he ultimately wants to retire and so now we are praying about what that will look like.  Ideally it would be amazing if he could retire and work out of the home (that might sound like an oxymoron).  As his big birthday approaches, I started to think more and more about the actual number he is turning.  Ok, follow along with my crazy thinking....it all ties in to what I believe are exciting things for his next season of life as God continues to write stories in our life.

I love numbers in the Bible.  I love their significance.  I don't think they are coincidence at all.  In the Old Testament, men aren't allowed to be in battles fighting until they are 20 years old.  Though we consider young people adults at age 18, in the Bible it seems to be 20.  I started thinking about that for my husband.  He was considered to be a man at 20.  I then added my favourite Biblical number - 40 - this brought me to the age he will be turning in June - 60.  I got so excited.  The reason forty is such a cool number is because of what it seems to mean, over and over, in the Bible.  Every time the number 40 occurs in Scripture, something amazing always happens immediately after.  With Noah, it was 40 days and nights of rain.  Then, the world was reborn, a new earth was created in a way - something new was about to happen.  With Moses, he spent 40 years in Midian.  This whole time he was being prepared to be the leader of the Israelites to take them out of slavery.  The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years before they entered into the Promised Land.  Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness before His ministry began.  This is where I started to get excited.  When I consider the past forty years of my husband's life, I'm convinced God has been preparing him for something, even now in his "old age".  I am so excited about this birthday for him.  I believe God is going to do something "new" in his life.  It could be related to all the crazy projects and businesses he's taking on from the winery to the garden, to the courses he's teaching, or some combination of them all.  I do pray that it will involve him being home again more, being around the kids more, perhaps one day being a father-in-law or even a grandfather.  It could be ministry in some way, involved in our community more....I have no idea, but this feeling of excitement and anticipation is growing in me and so yesterday as I was sharing all the stories with the younger four, I told them all these thoughts.  And just like I did with the older 4 years ago, I had the kids pray specifically for their dad.  We prayed about his future, about what God has in store for him, about what the new thing could be, thanking God for how He's been preparing him these 40 years.  For so many getting old is awful, scary and a dreaded, depressing stage of life.  I prayed hard against that.  I long for his future to be exciting and full and, I believe, as Christians especially, we can live the abundant life now and always, right up until God takes us, no matter what age we are.  Both my parents and my in-laws are living proof of this.

I shared this with the kids, reminding them of how God has worked "signs and wonders" and has used his "mighty arm" and "outstretched hand" over and over again in our lives.  We asked that He would keep doing this on our behalf and on behalf of RM specifically.  As a result of this I walked around yesterday with a sense of that anticipation, not dread.  At the very least, he will be one of the fittest 60 year olds.  He and I, as part of our Lent challenge, have taken on a 12 week fitness regimen that will take him right up to his 60th birthday.  We have no plans to stop, so hopefully spiritually, physically, and emotionally we'll both be ready for whatever is ahead.

College Bound!

Every day I wake up and think, "What will happen today?"  Not in dread anymore, but in anticipation.  It's kind of exciting.  Well yesterday was a big day - my daughter, 4th child, got into college - this was huge for so many reasons.  First of all, when you homeschool, you have to go to so much work to get them in, more than the normal student who has gone to public school his whole life.  Transcripts have to literally be created from scratch.  If this ever becomes my job, I'll die.  Thank goodness for my husband who happily takes this challenge from me.  The other amazing thing was that this girl was unwell for a long time and there were many days where she just could not do school.  I always worried that she would get further and further behind.  But, by God's grace she was able to pick herself back up, get on track and accomplish what she needed for all the prerequisites.

One really amazing thing was when we found out she needed another English.  She is doing a grade 12 English course right now, but she needed another one.  The college gives you an option to take a 3 hour test if you want or a whole year course.  It was a no-brainer.  She took the 3-hour test on Monday.  There is nothing you can do to prepare.  It tests you on basic grammar, punctuation, reading comprehension for college level admissions.  I was a little worried again because she had missed so much when she was younger, but I tried very much to not pass this on to her.  When she came in a few hours later, she told me right away that she got the highest mark you can get!  Once again, this means I got the highest mark!!!  Whenever my children succeed, though they were mostly self-taught, I always like to take the credit!!!!  Homeschool moms around the world will understand.....

Two days later, the college emailed her official acceptance - that was the final mark they needed.  So exciting.  SO EXCITING!!!  This has definitely been her year.  As I look back over how God has taken her from a sick little girl to one who is so confident and thriving I always wonder why I ever bother to worry.  I'm so grateful for His hand in her life.

She regularly verbally affirms our decision to homeschool, too.  This amazes me.  She thanks us all the time which blows me away.  She recognizes she probably wouldn't have gotten in if she had missed all that school if she hadn't been homeschooled.  She creates lists of reasons why she'll homeschool.  In fact, all the older kids do.  Maybe they're brainwashed, but even if that's the case, it's nice to hear.  I'm already becoming one of those old ladies who tells younger moms, "Ohhhh, don't worry about those little gaffers....God will take care of them.  Just pray!"  Well, it couldn't be more true...

We are also praying very hard for a dog right now.  We have our eyes on a golden retriever, but we are highly skeptical of everyone selling dogs online right now.  We are quite sure everyone who is selling a dog is selling a stolen one.  The market for stolen dogs is so bad right now.  So our prayer is that we will be protected and that God will supply the exact right one.  We are hoping to breed dogs again and with the sale of the puppies we hope to put some more kids through school.  My poor son is on pins and needles as he has located one, but all the answers this one guy is providing are a little sketchy, so we pray.  

This was all in one day!  I have 4 more younger ones left at home to complete their schooling.  It is really flying by.  I'm in shock actually when I consider how fast life is flying by, but I'm also in awe of God's grace, helping along the way, giving the strength, providing the curriculum, answering prayer after prayer.  It's so exciting to see what today will hold!