Standing Firm in the Fight - On Fasting, Part 3

A warning on fasting - as you start to fast, particularly for yourself, sometimes it can create a stirring in the heavenlies as a bond is about to be broken.  Satan longs to keep us in bondage, so to have a believer on their knees, seeking to have that bond broken goes against his plan.  He'll make it very hard for the one longing for freedom.  Discouragement will be on the doorstep.  Conflict might be at every turn, especially if your marriage is what you are fasting about.  If Satan can discourage you or make it appear like there is no hope, then he's got a better chance of keeping you in bondage.


I believe the conflict and discouragement is actually part of the process of having the bonds broken.  In a way, it means that freedom is around the corner.  Think of it like labour.  I've had several births without drugs and each time I hit transition, I'm begging the nurses (if I'm in the hospital) for pain relief.  No, no, no....you are about to deliver a baby!  I DON'T CARE!!!  I NEED DRUGS!!!  We can't give you any.  You are too far along!  I DON'T C....oh, there's the baby!!  Yeah!  Isn't that kind of how it is?  The pain of delivery hits its peak right before the birth of a beautiful baby.  In our spiritual lives, too, I think it is always the worst right before the calm.  It is Satan's way of holding on to that person in bondage right up until the end, but he cannot win.  Christ came to bring FREEDOM.  When a person is praying in Jesus' name, freedom will come in some form.


Do not let this final battle hinder you!  "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial."  (James 1:12)  The Bible promises that if you "resist the devil, he will flee from you."  (James 4:7)  "The truth will set you free."  (John 8:32) 


We must not be shocked when the battle rages, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." (1 Peter 4:12).


This passage is a great encouragement and yet frightening at the same time,


"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that AT THE PROPER TIME he may exalt you, casting ALL YOUR ANXIETIES  on him, because HE CARES FOR YOU.  Be SOBER-MINDED; BE WATCHFUL.  Your adversary the devil prowls around LIKE A ROARING LION, SEEKING SOMEONE TO DEVOUR.  Resist him, FIRM IN YOUR FAITH, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood around the world.  And after you have suffered a little while, the God all of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself RESTORE, CONFIRM, STRENGHTEN, AND ESTABLISH YOU.  To him be the dominion forever and ever.  Amen."  (1 Peter 5: 6-11)


So many awesome truths in this passage.  Fasting humbles us as it acknowledges we can't do anything on our own.  It is allowing the "mighty hand of God" to work in our lives.  It can be months or years, but the Bible says, "at the proper time he may exalt you".  The proper time, not our time.  As time passes, anxiety will creep in.  Right away, Peter doesn't say, you won't be or your can't be anxious.  He says, take that anxiety that, no doubt, is there and cast it on him - isn't that an encouragement to know he acknowledges our fears?  He wants them!  He simply cares for us, Peter says.


But then, the warning - be sober-minded, watchful.  Why?  We have an adversary.  He literally is "seeking to devour."  What an awful image!  You just have to picture one of the BBC nature shows that we've all seen where the lioness is laying in the grass, watching the sweet little antelopes eating their yummy food, when suddenly, out of hiding, the lioness races to the naïve animal and after chasing it until it can no longer outrun the lion, jumps on its bare neck and bites with huge crushing jaws.  The antelope struggles briefly, but soon it is lifeless.  We cannot be that simple-minded antelope, only focused on food.  We must be looking around for all the various forms of attack, lying in wait all around us....




Sober-minded?  What does that look like?  I think it means, among many other things, that we must not be naïve to think we are not in a spiritual battleground.  I know it can become so cliché when we blame Satan for everything, but really, doesn't this verse show us that Satan really is trying to ruin us?  We must be watchful.  We must not panic when the trial comes.  Knowing that Satan is often behind the trial, oddly encourages me. It helps me see I am probably right in the center of God's will when Satan is opposing me at every turn.


Resisting Satan is standing firm in our faith.  Clinging to our faith is resisting him.  Understanding that suffering is part of the process is resisting him.  Knowing it is "for a little while" reminds us there is an end.  It cannot go on forever.  My favourite part of the passage says "the God of all grace...will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."  That is what we all need - restoration - in our marriages, our families, wherever there is loss - Lord, bring restoration!  We need confirmation - that we're on the right path, doing the right things, in his will - Confirm us, Lord!  Strength.  We are so weak!  We need a strength that is beyond us as we are unable to go on sometimes in our suffering.  Strengthen us, Lord!  And finally, establish us.  Make us firm in our walk with you.   Take the offerings we are giving, the plans that we are making, the patterns that we are trying to change in our lives, take them and make them last, forever, into the future generations - make them solid, real changes in our habits.  Establish us, Lord.  To your glory.


Fasting can change your life, but it can also bring a battle at first.  Fight with all your weapons of the faith.  Stand firm. 

Breaking the Bonds of Oppression - On Fasting, Part 2

So yesterday, I wrote a loooooong post - took an hour and a half to write.  I usually get RM to check them out before I publish them for input, comments, etc.  In the meantime, the little people woke up.  I left the room to do something else - the post, still unpublished, but saved, was on the screen.  The 3 year old decided to be the one to give the input.  Apparently he hated the post and decided it needed to be entirely deleted.  How he did this still boggles my mind, but he did it!  I came back into the room where I saw the blank page, except for his row of random characters running across the top of the screen, and thought to myself, no.  No, he didn't just do what I think he did.  Yup.  He did.  Needless to say, I ever so sweetly (ha) reminded him to PLEASE not touch Mommy's computer again.

I will try to recap yesterday's post and include another story along the same lines of fasting for today. I want to remind ya'll, I have never gone to seminary and studied fasting on that theological level.  I am simply sharing my experience to encourage you, to take your faith to a deeper level, to experience freedom in your life where, perhaps, there has been bondage in some form.

I do not want it to appear like fasting "gets what you want".  It doesn't always.  Sometimes the Lord answers exactly how I've prayed, other times, not, but I persevere in my faith as I wait for his leading in my life.

Here we go....

When Renaissance Man and I were first married, he got a job working in downtown Toronto. It was a fabulous job and he succeeded very well there and learned a lot.  As the children started to come along, the hour+ commute (sometimes twice as long during the winter) started to take its toll on him. Sometimes whole days would go by without him seeing the kids because they were in bed when he left and in bed when he got home - very awful.  He was experiencing a low level depression, I feel, because he started to add up all the wasted hours spent in the car.

Meanwhile, I had started homeschooling the children and could see how he was feeling, so the kids and I, even though the oldest was only 5, started to pray.  Those little prayers back then were so priceless.  I wish I could have saved them, "Please bring Daddy home, Lord."  That's what we began to pray.  We longed to have some kind of home business of our own, we just didn't know what.  We also considered, though it wasn't our ideal, to perhaps simply find a job closer to home.

Being pregnant or nursing a lot at this time, made it rather difficult to fast.  It occurred to me, it didn't have to be food!  How about something else?  Like sleep?  So that's what I fasted!  I was already not sleeping much as kids were often up through the night, so this was a fairly major sacrifice, but as often as I could, I got up early, to read and pray.  I would write and write in my journals my prayers for my husband, for our family, asking God to do something to help my husband.  I mentioned the idea of fasting and explained what this meant to my kids.  The thought of giving up food was nearly impossible for them and probably not that great an idea as they were so busy growing, but could they give up something else?  Sometimes, instead of a whole meal, it was a morning snack or a dessert. This was hard for them to do, but I believe it was the beginning of modeling the spiritual discipline of fasting.

One day at work (he'd been there nearly 8 years by this point), a colleague of his made some nonchalant comment about a website where you could bid on certain projects as a private business. This immediately piqued his interest and sure enough, as he perused the site, he discovered a lot of the contracts that were up for bid were things he could do.   He started to write up proposals and bid on contract after contract.  One day, one of his bids got accepted.

I'll never forget that day as he said, "If you hear the fax machine ring, that means the purchase order is coming through."  The fax rang.  Down the stairs he ran to his basement office.  The kids and I were upstairs on pins and needles - was this what we were waiting for?  Suddenly I heard a scream.  A jumping up and down kind of scream.  He came running up the stairs with the P.O. in his hand, "I got it!"  We were thrilled. It was a big enough order that we knew he could quit the next day.  And he did.

Looking back, it seemed we prayed for years for this request, and it was!  But the whole time he was at this other job he was acquiring skills he was going to need to go out on his own, right up until the last day.  One of his contracts early on in his new business required one of these exact skills that he learned in his very last week of work at his downtown job - so God kept him there for those 8 years for a purpose.  He was growing us, growing our faith, our young children's faith and he was even allowing RM to acquire the necessary skills he would need later on which, of course, we could have never foreseen, but God knew.  It was also nice to have a steady income while the kids were little. Going out on your own has its ups and downs financially as we've learned, so God knew that, too.

Having his own engineering business has been the greatest gift.  We just celebrated 10 years of him being on his own.  They have been the greatest and most fulfilling years of his whole professional life, but definitely the most challenging.  It is not for everyone to have their own business, but RM had shown signs of being an entrepreneur even as a young boy - it was in his blood.

The verse that sums up this experience the best has to be Malachi 4:6,

 " And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers..."

As our children were growing up, we saw the need to be near them, to disciple them more hands-on. RM was turning his heart to his children.  He longed to be near them.  This was much more of a challenge with RM away.  Now that he is around more, he has been able to bring them alongside him on a daily basis, discipling at every turn.  I believe the fact he is home now has played a significant role in the children turning their hearts to their father. By way of pure bonus, they've also been able to be a part of his business, learning so many skills from web design, marketing, proposal writing, manufacturing, you  name it, they've been a part of it.  I'm so grateful.

All along, during this time, the whole family had also been praying for my younger brother.  Though we'd all grown up in a Christian home, he had really struggled with simply accepting the faith of his parents.  His experience at university made him struggle even more as he'd come up against the intellectual arguments against Christianity that made him throw it all away for a series of years.  This was a scary time for all of us - we weren't sure where he stood in the eternal picture and as my children grew and started to learn about heaven and hell, they started to wonder, "Will we see Uncle B in heaven?"  "I don't know," was all I could say.  We prayed and prayed.

Then, once in awhile, when we were homeschooling in the mornings, I would call the kids for a snack, or for lunch - this blew me away - and I would hear this, particularly from my two oldest boys, "No thanks, Mom. I'm fasting for Uncle B."  I would immediately get choked up.  They knew, much like the disciples, that certain forms of bondage require fasting.  This happened more than once, on their own volition.

God started to work in my brother.  He began with a girl (yeah!).  Then her church.  Then their pastor.  Then a series of events over the last two years that snowballed into my brother falling on his knees before the throne of grace asking Christ to be his Lord and Saviour once and for all.  He has since then married this wonderful woman this past fall and his wedding was a testimony to all there of the power of prayer and fasting.  Certainly we were not the only ones praying or even fasting for that matter, but one day it'll be interesting to find out if that played a role in breaking the bonds that were barriers in my brother's life that kept him from Christ.  It was not overnight - we prayed for years, but God had his timing.

These are just a few stories I could share on fasting.  It is a remarkable experience to see God breakdown bonds that Satan longs to keep in place, to keep people in prison - it is a fight!  We are taking on the kingdom of darkness when we pray like this and Satan will not go down without a battle.  But God always gets the victory and all the glory.  Amen!

Good news on the weight loss front with Mr. RM - he's down 17 pounds now, with only ten more or so to lose.  I'm amazed.  I'm almost where I want to be.  What we are both seeing, even in our weight loss, is the Biblical principal of little by little.  Everyone wants to win the lottery and pay off their house in one day, but that just isn't how it works.  Everyone also wants to lose 20 lbs. with little effort, but that also doesn't happen.  We've been seriously at it now for 2 whole months and it has been a slow, but deliberate effort - a few ounces here and there, each snack and meal carefully prepared...a plateau....then a little more weight off...then more.....then another plateau...no changes for days....gain even!.....then suddenly a few pounds all at once.  So, just like with the financial discipline of watching our pennies, we are watching our food intake and it is really starting to pay off, pardon the pun.



On a funnier note, now we own two Porsches.  Don't worry, he's only planning on buying one more!  The prices go up with the Spring weather (that's when everyone wants their sports cars), so he's acting now.  I just say, "Show me the money" and raise my eyebrows suspiciously.  My boys are in heaven.  Car parts are starting to lie around the house.  They're being washed in my kitchen sink and painted in my other family room.  Hmmmm.....I didn't plan on that.



Well, it's taken three days to write this one with all the interruptions.  If this post doesn't make it to the screen, I'll scream, so here's hoping that I get this one published!

Fasting - Untying the Cords of the Yoke - Part 1

Over the past few months, I have referred to fasting more than once as something I've done or something others I know have done.  Perhaps this is a new concept to someone out there.  I am not a theologian by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought I'd give what little knowledge I do have and some of my experience with fasting.


The first time I fasted was back in university.  I had been meeting regularly with an older, more mature Christian woman.  We would meet and pray together each week, sometimes even going out to share our faith on campus.  As my fourth and final year of school approached, I was wondering what I would do after school finished if I didn't get into Teacher's College, where I had applied.  From 1st year on, I knew teaching was what I wanted to do.  All my experience during my younger years pointed in this direction, so from then on, I geared all my classes and volunteer work, to getting into an education program....somewhere.  Seemed easy enough except that my marks weren't in the high 90s.  I had excellent experience, but fairly average marks.  I loved my classes at school, but I really loved being with people more, so most of my time in university was spent having coffee with people, not as much in the library, though I did get there some!  Honest!


At that time, getting into Teacher's College was harder than Law School or Med School or at least that was the rumour out there.  There were few spots for the large numbers of applicants.  You had to have the top marks or you didn't have a chance.  I knew people who had applied 3 years in a row and still didn't get in.  With my marks, it wasn't looking good.  But then I came across Queen's.  Their qualifications made much more sense, especially considering it was a teacher's program - believe it or not, they actually considered experience!  This was the school for me!  I hoped.  Queen's also had an international teaching fair where schools from around the world came to interview Queen's teaching students.  They would hire them on the spot and would guarantee a job for them that fall.  I had international teaching experience in Africa, so I hoped that would help.


At some point during this year, I cannot remember exactly when in the process, my more mature Christian friend, suggested we fast and pray for my future.  I didn't know much about fasting, except that it was a more serious form of prayer.  I was being quite selfish in my requests that year - it was all about me, to be honest.  I was a fairly young Christian.  So, we decided, once a week to not eat until our evening meal that we shared together.  All day, whenever the urge to eat came, I prayed, begging the Lord to show me what he wanted for my life and again, looking back, perhaps this was a little selfish and immature, but I begged him to help me get into Queen's.


I'm not sure if I fasted weeks or months, but it was over the last part of my final year for sure.  Slowly, but surely, the universities started to let people know if they'd been accepted.  Right away, I got two letters of rejection in small, regular-sized envelopes.  Oh dear, things weren't looking good.


Then, a letter from Queen's arrived.  It was bigger.  A little thicker.  My heart was racing.  "We'd like to thank you for applying to Queen's."  Sounded positive.  "We're pleased to accept you into our education program."  What????!!  I'm in!?  No way!  Impossible!  I was one of the very few that got accepted that year.  Was it because I had fasted?  Was it a miracle?  I don't know, but did my faith grow that year?  You bet.  I was thrilled.


I went on to interview with several schools later that year at the international job fair and accepted a position with an American school in Colombia.  I taught there for 2 years and loved it.  I feel like the Lord guided me all along the way.


This little introduction to fasting was something I've looked back on many times.  I feel like the Lord used it early on in my Christian walk to show me he can do major things when I seek him in a major way.  I should not have gotten into Teacher's College that year.  I didn't have the marks, only the Lord could have opened that door. 


Now that I have learned a little more about fasting, I see that it is a way that God breaks bonds of oppression in our lives.  Isaiah 58:6 says it best.....


“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?


For me, it was the spiritual bond of confusion.  I didn't know what he wanted for my future.  I was very confused.  The fasting helped me by making his direction for my life known.  He made every stop very clear.


I think one way that he started to open doors for me was by showing me what schools to apply to.  Finding out about Queen's was one of those ways.  Then, once I found out about their application process - you had to write an essay explaining why you wanted to get in and how your experience was valuable - I immediately knew I was going to need help and the thought immediately occurred to me to speak to an excellent teacher friend I knew to ask for her help.  Together we looked at my experience and discussed what lessons I had learned from each opportunity.  I went home and wrote it all out, knowing God had helped me put that essay together.  I'm convinced that was the kicker in getting me in. 


Fasting isn't magic.  The picture that comes to my mind is that it is a way of storming the gates of heaven, saying, "Lord, I need you on a whole new level."  It is taking your prayer life up a notch where it is intense, focused praying.  Seeking him, his will and asking for him to intervene, especially in breaking any bonds of oppression in your life.


This is just a small story to start.  The day has begun here, so I must move on, but I'll share more tomorrow. 

Back in the Shed

I can't say when, but I really want to write a book on submission, not just on what I think it is, but how I've seen it successfully work out in my personal friends' lives over and over again.  It would be a compilation of stories, true stories, real life stories, from this generation of women.  I have numerous friends who have put these ideas, that they once fought over, into practice and now they have marriages that are truly heavenly. So, I'm not making this stuff up!  I've seen it in real life, not just in my own life, but in others' lives.

I share the following story, with permission, from two of these women.

I got a call yesterday from someone who had been really struggling in this area.  She had not been a happy woman these last few weeks.  In short, her husband was driving her crazy.  One of the things that frustrated her so much was that she thought she was such a great wife, so submissive!  Why were things going so badly?  I had news for her.  And, a day before her call,  I had broken it to her as gently as I could - she wasn't.... submissive, that is.  Perhaps she'd been letting him lead, or making big decisions, but she'd been, let's say, not using the most loving tone, all along - she described it as an constant undercurrent in their home.

It had been a hard conversation with her that day.  I had prayed for days leading up to it, "Lord, do you want me to say something?"  Then, that afternoon, she stopped me, in the middle of our submission conversation, not knowing I'd been praying, and said, "Tell me something that will change my life."  Uh, ok! She'd given me, or the Lord had given me, an opportunity to speak life into her.  Wounds from a friend.  She hugged me.  She thanked me.  We both cried.  See, she had been praying and fasting about her family, her marriage, for days. I didn't know this!  But because of this, she was ripe and ready to receive a word from God, through me.   Wow.  God was really working!

The call yesterday was to thank me and tell me we were still friends!  Whew!  She'd been up till the wee hours of the morning confessing to her husband her lack of submission.  Amazing.  She told me she'd confessed to her children that she had not been submitting to their Dad.  Unbelievable.

Guess what is going to happen in this family?  They are changing their future generational marriage tree - forever!  Oh, I feel a good debt tie-in coming.....

Just like we had not been sowing financial obedience, she had not been sowing good seeds of submission. She needed to change her marriage and the future marriages of her children.  We want our children to be free from debt forever in their futures, so we had to be the units of change as well. It always starts with confession, always.  Lord, I'm sorry for not following your word, for doing it my way, in my strength!  We'd been doing that in our financial decisions and she'd been doing that in her marriage.

This woman's future is brighter.  The tone in her voice was rejoicing. She sounded the best I'd heard in weeks.  I rejoice with her.

I know there is someone out there fighting me in their minds.  You would have laughed if you'd been there when all these submission conversations were going on.  Remember when some friends wanted to throw me in the back shed?  I'd been talking about getting rid of debt and they hated the conviction they were feeling...."Let's get rid of her, " they said.  "We can throw her in the back shed and no one will know."  This time, we were talking about submission and as we were all talking, one of them said, "That's it.  Why didn't we get rid of her when we had our chance last time!"  They were bugged!

What was truly bugging them?  They hated the idea that the woman had to go first.  I explained that it is modeled in scripture, particularly through the story of Esther - she submits to her king and as a result, he listens to her and a nation is saved.  Eeewwww.....they hated that.  But, the natural, logical, next question I had for them is, "Ok, if you don't go first, who will?"  I know that is hard to stomach, but if you try it, you'll be amazed!

Ok, take home lessons for an awesome marriage -

1.  Pray, fast if you can, and ask God to show you if there is something that isn't pleasing to him in your marriage.  What areas am I not submitting?
2.  Once God reveals these areas to you (it'll be almost immediate, I guarantee it) - stop doing these bad habits immediately and start new ones!  Take the anger and frustration you once felt towards your husband and use the anger as a trigger to remind you to change -
3.  Confess to your husband where you haven't been submitting and ask for his forgiveness.  Pray together.
4.  Confess to your children that you haven't been modeling true submission.  Ask for their forgiveness. Have them prayer for you, no matter what age.  The prayers of toddlers, even, seem to have direct access to the Lord - they have no major sins inhibiting their prayers and you'll see answers from these sweet little people!
5.  Continue to pray and fast for strength to do the supernatural.
6.  Live it out!

One friend who particularly wants me in the shed, struggles as her husband is an unbeliever.  How do you submit to an unbeliever?  Very hard.  My only thought there comes from Isaiah, "For your Maker is your Husband.  The Lord Almighty is his name."  I have loved that verse for years.  I read it as a single woman, longing to be married.  I had resolved if I never got married, that the Lord was my husband.  He was enough.  I would say that the same verse applies to someone who is married to an unbeliever - let the Lord be your husband.  He is enough.  Submit to the unbelieving husband, as unto the Lord.  Easier said than done, I know, but that's all we have.  For now.  Perhaps, as this woman learns to truly submit to her husband, he'll be saved through her actions.  That's my prayer for her anyway.  I usually have to run away from her at this point as she's trying to get a rope to tie me up!


Ok - I think that's all for now on marriage.  Perhaps more will come later.  As for debt?  We're still in that period of waiting for contracts to finish, payment to come and then waiting for potentially more contracts in the future.  Renaissance Man and the boys are hoping to get the Porsche running this weekend and sold quickly.  He's already got his eye on more cars.  I'm amazed at my boys' knowledge of cars in such a short time.  They walk around using words that I've never heard.  It's funny, but very cool!

With spring around the corner, we hope to get our house winterized once and for all - this will cut into our debt-reduction a little, but it is something we have to do in order to reduce our heating costs in the future, so, truly, it'll be saving us down the road.  God knows what we need.

Time to go wake some kids!

Submission - A Wife's Greatest Test

Does marriage have anything to do with debt?  Probably.  I'm trying to figure out a way to make it fit as I really want to write about it!


I got together with friends this week and boy, oh boy - heated discussions on marriage and the "S" word - Submission.  No one seems to like that word for some reason.  But the Bible clearly calls us to submit.  (Still trying to figure out a debt tie-in here....I'm sure it'll come...)


I think what I was hearing was that most women think they are submitting to their husbands, I know I thought I was submissive, but they aren't really.  Neither was I. They think submission is letting their husbands make the "big" decisions, but that isn't submission.


Maybe one of the first debt tie-ins is the deception and pride issue.  Much like when we thought we were so good with our money, but we were far from it.  I think we as women start telling ourselves what great wives we are and how lucky our husbands are to have such wonderful women in their lives, but again, the reality is that we should be on our faces, confessing the truth - we stink at wife-dom.  We can only succeed with God's help, not in our own strength or giving ourselves any pats on the back.


Secondly, once we have a true understanding of our sinful wifey-ness, we need to ask for our eyes to be opened.  We need the Holy Spirit's illumination into these very difficult passages.  I did this maybe 12 years ago - I thought I had a good marriage before, but it turned into a spectacular marriage.  All because of submission.


I simply asked God to show me what areas I wasn't submitting.  Don't pray that prayer unless you really want God to show you, because you won't like it.  God immediately brought to mind 3 awful areas in my relationship with Renaissance Man that needed to change.  I've shared these with some women before, so bear with me....These will reveal what true submission is.


#1 - Phone Numbers.  Yup, phone numbers.  I am like Rain Man.  I know phone numbers of friends and family from the time I was a kid.  I probably know enough phone numbers to make a the Guinness Book of World Records.  But my husband doesn't.  This always boggled my mind.  How can an engineer, who is no joke, borderline genius, not know a phone number of someone that he's called for years?  He can remember equations for physics and engineering purposes, but not a simple 10 digit number.  How is this possible?  Because it is a test of submission.  One I failed for a number of years.  Until I prayed that prayer.  You see, I'd been answering his phone number questions in an horrific and exasperated tone, "Why don't you know that number?  Yes, I suppose I could tell you - seems odd you don't know it......"  Do you hear my tone?  Pretty snarky.  What would ensue was an immediate put-off-ness towards me.  I had disrespected him and made him look like a fool.  He wasn't as smart as me.  I was sending the message that he was pathetic.  So sad.


#2 - Directions.  Again, pretty pathetic, but I know how to get places.  I have a good sense of direction and love trying to find shorter, more interesting ways to get to where I want to go.  RM has a good sense of direction, too, but NEVER to places I want to go.  How 'bout my sister's place or my mom's place or somewhere we've been going FOR YEARS!!!!  "Where do I turn?"  "What do you mean, 'Where do I turn'.  We turn LEFT (read more snarkiness) - we've been going here for years.  Why don't you remember where to turn??????"  It drove me CRAZY!!!!  I would literally stew in the seat beside him because I thought he was, let's say, not as smart as me, to know where to go.  In my head, I was losing respect for him because he asked for directions!  This did not make him happy as he sensed this and there was always a cold, frozen atmosphere in the car after I spoke to him like that.  Very awful.


#3 - Coffee.  My parents have a great marriage and I watched how my Dad loved my Mom my whole life.  One awesome example of this was with coffee!  This was, in fact, how my love of coffee started.  Dad was a morning person, still is, and wakes up at the ungodly hour of 5 am (just like me).  He makes a pot of coffee, to this day, enjoys his paper, catching up on the business world, etc., and then after a while, puts it in a thermos, grabs another mug and up it goes to my sleeping mom, so that when she wakes up she can have a fresh cup of hot coffee in bed!!!!!  Is that not the sweetest thing you've ever heard??????  I couldn't wait for my husband to do the same.  But guess what, he's not a morning person - I am!  This stinks!  So there I was, stewing again, downstairs, each morning as a new wife, a new mom, and I was awake with the babies and he was upstairs sleeping, not knowing I was downstairs, miserable, thinking, jealously, of my mom, enjoying her coffee in bed.  It wasn't fair.  How many times did he come down to a cold shoulder?   I didn't dare communicate my angry feelings to him, so I just didn't talk.  Nice, eh?


After I prayed that prayer and those 3 areas were revealed to me, I confessed and was determined to try to do better and make those necessary changes.  I had an opportunity almost immediately.  He needed a phone number, "Sure," I said sweetly and immediately gave it to him.  "Thanks, honey."  Big smile, no fight.  Hmmm....that seemed to go well and it didn't even hurt to tell him the number!  If I didn't know the number, which was rare, then I had to go to the phone book - mmmmm.....that was an extra step I hadn't expected!  Can you believe it!  That's when I realized what was truly bothering me was he was making me go the extra mile and I didn't like it!  It came down to selfishness I think.  He was encroaching on my time.  Surrendering that, in the name of peace in our marriage, was what was needed.  So, going to the phone book, the whole extra minute that took, was now not a problem.  No more tension!


As for directions - which way do I turn?  Left - that simple.  I just answered him without all the extra words, tone, and disrespect.  Even if it meant the entire way to my sister's house.  I just stopped all the fussing.  When we arrived at my sister's, we arrived HAPPY!  Before, we would arrive angrily and would have to put on a fake smile upon arrival.  All tension disappeared in our car drives.


Now for the biggie - coffee.  Oh no.  What was God suggesting?  This one was really hard for me.  So many things were wrapped up in this one.  It really came down to me being the morning person and that frustrated me to no end.  I heard the idea in my head, "Make the coffee."  I had been making the coffee, that's what bothered me.  "Bring it to him."  NO WAY.  I fought this one for a long time.   Fine.  So I did.  You wouldn't believe his reaction.  Absolute shock and pleasure at the same time!  Then, I heard, "Make him breakfast."  This was getting more and more difficult.  At the time he was working downtown and he had been buying a coffee and muffin on the way to work - very expensive and hardly nourishing.  So I made him an awesome breakfast before he left.  He was so touched and so appreciative.  It gets worse.  "Make him lunch."  Do you hear the struggle in my head?  I had done more than enough already.  But I was determined to obey.  So I made him lunch, a great lunch.  He couldn't believe it.  This was also saving us a ton of money.  I should have done these things all along!  Now, I was starting to see how this pleased him.  Even the guys at work noticed what great food he was getting and were slightly jealous!


What happened after that was love, love, love.  He loved me!  He praised me.  He couldn't say how much he appreciated me.  I was a queen.  All because I had laid my life down and said, no more to selfishness.  He tells me all the time what a great wife I am.  I used to tell myself that, but it was never true.  The praise is supposed to come from others, not ourselves, Scripture says.


Martyrdom is a woman's greatest enemy.  I fell into that trap for awhile before I learned these tough lessons.  Anger is another enemy in our marriages.  Tone of voice is THE GREATEST enemy.  You know what I mean.  Each time we refuse to submit, or we feel anger towards our husbands, or we use a snarky tone of voice, a brick of is added to the wall between our husbands and ourselves.  This cannot be.


Having learned submission in those 3 areas changed our marriage.  I was now open to other areas God would continue to show me - such as being more careful in the area of money.  This wasn't an area of tension, per se, but it was a way I could be less selfish, and respect him more and the effort he made in providing for our family (there's a little financial tie-in!)


I continue to be tested daily - will I submit?  Will I bring him a tea after a hard day's work?  Will I make him not just coffee in the morning, not just breakfast and lunch, but now that he is home, will I make him a snack, another snack, another snack.....and dinner?!  Sometimes I'm in awe of how many things I'm bringing food to him just to keep him going, to save him time from looking in the fridge for something to eat.....I would have snapped his head off 12 years ago when I hadn't learned these lessons.   He's lost 14 lbs now and, if I do say so myself, it's because of submission!  I decided I would help him - he couldn't do it on his own - he didn't have time to create a meal plan or to cook it all!  He's going to be a healthier man because of my submission.  He'll be around longer because of my submission.  It's true!


What I get in return, like I said, is love.  I will do these things all day long until the day I die - it is my pleasure, my honour, a privilege. 


I challenge you to do the same, but be warned, by praying that prayer, your marriage will never be the same.

Hoping in a World of "How Long?"

First off - a big oops - Lent doesn't start until March - I was a whole month early!  But, doesn't matter, I'm taking it as a call to prayer anyway.  So hopefully that didn't throw anybody off!


Secondly, I'm sensing a theme!  When I hear things or read things or see things multiple times and within a matter of days or hours even, I know, God is trying to communicate to me.  Because Satan isn't content to just let me be, the demon of discouragement sits at my feet, on my shoulder, outside my door, waiting, waiting for that little crack of doubt and then wham!  I start down that slippery path.....


So, even though, I'm doing much better, always aware of how Satan works, I still struggle with the "how long"? 


It began on Sunday morning.  Aren't Sundays always a struggle?  This winter has been one of the worst weather-wise and we've been stuck countless times in our driveway.  Getting stuck often happens on the Sunday morning.  I mean being stuck so badly that by the time you get out, church is more than half over.  We've even had animals die on a Sunday morning right before church.  Or kids get sick on a Sunday morning....whatever it is, it seems like a challenge to get there and arrive in one piece with a happy face!


This past Sunday it was an unwell child.  My oldest daughter was playing piano, so we definitely needed to be there.  I offered as my husband was in a lot of physical pain from a hard few days working on his contracts.  This meant I had 7 children on my own.  Our church encourages the children to worship with their parents, so all of them would be with me in the service.  That is fine as the older ones are completely comfortable with this and have done it for many years now, but the 3 year old (I think I've mentioned him before) and the nearly 2 year old aren't quite as used to it yet.

Right away I left the older ones in a pew on their own, knowing they'd be fine and then I went and sat with the younger 3 at the back.  They read toddler books and sat on my lap, most of the time.


I really wanted to hear what the pastor was saying, but if I even opened my Bible, it got ripped out of my hands by the 21 month old and so I was left with managing children with the hope that I would hear something he said without the advantage of an open Bible.  The 3 year old was fine, at first.  It was the baby who was offering up a challenge.  So down I took him where I reminded him, if you know what I mean, that mommy was in charge.  He was quiet the rest of the service.  Yeah!  Then, the 3 year old started.  It's not defiance, it's just wiggliness....constant.  I understand, but he still needs to learn, so down we went.  After that, he calmed down a bit, but on and off through the whole service, it was a challenge.  My 5 year old had a pen in her hand and it looked like she was writing notes the whole time.  Turns out she was!  In her own little phonics, she had written things about God which showed me she is slowly starting to get it.


Meanwhile, the pastor was speaking on Hebrews 6:13-20.  Hebrews is not an easy book of the Bible, so to have some indepth study is wonderful, if I could just get my Bible open!  In the middle of grabbing a fallen book, manipulating the 3 year old back on my lap, snapping my fingers at the 5 year old, I heard the words I needed to hear, "Hope".  I snapped to attention.  "Hope".  The whole message that morning had been on hope.  In fact in my Bible, the title at the top of this section is called, "The Certainty of God's Promise".  I was all ears, even though the toddler world around me was clearly a challenge, I knew I was supposed to hear those words.  The songs right before the sermon had been on hope.  One song by Stuart Townend never fails to choke me up.  It's a combination of the sad melody, the crying-out-type words, and it all comes back to me - we used to sing this at the time we were building the house and when things were so hard.  It always got to me then, too.


We have sung our songs of victory,
We have prayed to You for rain;
We have cried for Your compassion
To renew the land again.
Now we're standing in Your presence,
More hungry than before;
Now we're on Your steps of mercy,
And we're knocking at Your door.
How long
before You drench the barren land?
How long
before we see Your righteous hand?
How long
before Your name is lifted high?
How long before the weeping turns to songs of joy?


Lord, we know Your heart is broken
By the evil that You see,
And You've stayed Your hand of judgement
For You plan to set men free.
But the land is still in darkness,
And we've fled from what is right;
We have failed the silent children
Who will never see the light.


But I know a day is coming
When the deaf will hear His voice,
When the blind will see their Saviour,
And the lame will leap for joy.
When the widow finds a Husband
Who will always love His bride,
And the orphan finds a Father
Who will never leave her side.


How long
before Your glory lights the skies?
How long
before Your radiance lifts our eyes?
How long
before Your fragrance fills the air?
How long before the earth resounds with songs of joy?
                                                                
The other song we sang that morning, "There is a Hope", has a line that makes my eyes literally sting, especially at this line, "There is a hope that lifts my weary head, A consolation strong against despair, That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit, I find the Saviour there! Through present sufferings, future's fear, He whispers 'courage' in my ear. For I am safe in everlasting arms, And they will lead me home." 


Incredibly moving - a hope that lifts my weary head, a consolation strong against despair.   There I am sometimes, but he whispers, "Courage"!  He doesn't shout it, he whispers it.  I'll make it!


It was a timely sermon. Though I didn't quite hear every word said, it made me want to go back to the word when I got home. 


So, yesterday, I had the kids sitting around me again and we opened our Bibles back to Hebrews.  But before we did, I thought I would read from our Bible League guide, the daily passage they suggest and as well the verse of the month they use.  The verse of the month, which I had never noticed before, was Isaiah 40:31, "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength."  The theme of the month was hope!  How had I missed that?


Then we read the verse for the day, Joel 2:25.  This has to be the most encouraging verse in all Scripture, "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you."


We haven't had locusts, or cankerworms, caterpillars and palmerworms (whatever they are!).....or have we?  Sure we have!  In slightly different forms.....there were many years where we had locusts....we could have had years of much greater income if we'd been using Scripture as our guide in making decisions, but those incoming producing years are gone, never to return.  We feel sad when we look back, but yesterday I had hope - I, again, had the children pray, "Lord, give back (another version used those words) those years that locusts have eaten."  It was wonderful to think, even though we're creeping up in age and losing income producing years by the second, that God can still restore those years where we failed to make better decisions.


Then, back to Hebrews.  Abraham was promised that he would be blessed and multiplied.  I asked the kids what promises God has given to us.  Right away, we all thought of the Joel passage, that he'll restore the lost years.  Other promises came to us, "The diligent will eat the fruit of their hands."  "You reap what you sow."  We're trying to be diligent, we're trying to "sow" with more wisdom in our finances.  These are promises to us.  Then the Hebrews passage continues,


"And thus, Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise."  Simple as that!  Sort of.  It wasn't quite that simple actually.  It says he waited patiently, but it was really twenty years of waiting between the time that God first gave the promise to the time of Isaac being born - WHAT????!!!  No, no, no.....I'm not waiting twenty years.  That's ridiculous!  It is no wonder that Sarah took things into her own hands and had her servant Hagar have a baby with Abraham - she was starting to wonder if God was really going to come through.  Then, on top of it all - Abraham finally has this promised son, and God asks him to kill him as a burnt offering.  No, no, no......that's not how it is supposed to be????!!!!  These are all the things we talked about together.  Do you mean we have to patiently wait to get out of debt and it could take twenty years????  Yes.  Do you mean that there are going to be more tests ahead of us?  Yes.  Not happy.  Yet God knows how fragile I am, how fragile even the kids are, so he sends encouragement through his word and other means to stick to the promises of God.


Hebrews 6:17 says, "...God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose" - he wants me to know that he is unchangeable.  He wants to convince me!  Verse 18 says, "...it is IMPOSSIBLE for God to lie..." and then, "we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to HOLD FAST to the hope that is set before us."  Putting it all together - if it is impossible for God to lie, than those promises are true!  We have fled to him for refuge!  He set hope before us (neat idea!) and wants us to not just be encouraged, to not just hold to the hope, but to be STRONGLY encouraged, and to hold FAST.  I kept pointing out to the kids how these seemingly extra words are not extra - they are included for emphasis very intentionally which means we better pay attention!


Verse 19, "We have this as a SURE AND STEADFAST ANCHOR of the soul...."  Again, not just an anchor, but a sure and steadfast anchor - wonderful description.


So, I'm left with no option but to hope.  I must take him at his word.  The Psalmist still cried out, "How long?" and I do, too.  I really do hope it isn't twenty years!  But, Abraham waited that long and the promise was certainly fulfilled.  I suppose I can wait that long, too...

A Debt of Love

I'm grossly overdue in this post.  I didn't write about it at the time (back in January) as I didn't think it had anything to do with debt until I realized it was a different form of debt - a debt of love, of gratitude...to my sister, and to all those who participated in a special day exactly one month ago today.  The other reason I decided at the time I shouldn't write about it was because I didn't want to talk too much about it as it is always painful for my sister who is living out of town to hear about (or read about!) events like this one as it is just another reminder that she misses out.  Often, I think we play down any celebration she misses, so that she won't feel badly for not being able to make it, especially to cousin birthdays or any other special events that go on.  But then...I realized this one she needs to know about - as it is going to happen to her one day, too - she has two daughters as well.  I want her to know what she can look forward to!  So read on, C, and hopefully this will get you excited about what's ahead for M and A!


Well, back in January when my oldest turned 16, my younger sister, S, put on a family birthday party to remember, to celebrate my daughter's big birthday.  It was something very special.  In Genesis, whenever something significant happens, the people of God are told to build a memorial so that they'll never forget what God did.  It is always so that the future generations will not forget God's marvelous works.  This is my memorial of that day, not built of rocks, but instead of words, written for generations to come, so they'll know that we are trying, as an extended family, to seek God in the raising of our children and this includes even my siblings building into my children - a true gift.  I also want to dedicate this to S as she put on one of the most significant events in my daughter's life to date.  So, to S - I am indebted to you and all that you did on that special day....


It began with having my daughter's favourite people in her life invited - her Grandma, her Grammy, her newest aunt, all her little cousins, sisters (mom!) and even Nana (my sister's mother-in-law).  The boys were also invited, invited to be scarce! and they played outside the whole time - which they LOVED - and were happy to just be there as long as pizza and cake would be included at some point in the day!


My sister lives on one of the most beautiful 10-acre properties you'll ever see - from the hidden driveway, you'd never know this place was there, but as you turn in, you see a gorgeous winding driveway with woods on both sides that opens up into a clearing with a beautiful home surrounded by more trees, a forest actually,  and incredible landscaping.  With the snow freshly fallen, it was the perfect setting for a winter birthday, right out of Martha Stewart.  It was as if my sister had decorated it with white snow just for effect!


With everyone dressed up just little more than usual we entered in and got a warm reception, quickly followed by either a coffee or tea - who wouldn't have wanted that when it was still so icy outside!

Soon the festivities began - it was an afternoon tea.   My sister definitely has the gift of hospitality and it showed - she had thought of everything to make it special for the Sweet Sixteen-Year-Old.  The pinks and whites were everywhere, from napkins, to dishes, and even to the pretty table runners.  The table was so inviting.   You could tell her girls were excited and must have helped set it all up.  They, too, have the gift of hospitality from their mother.

Everyone had brought something to contribute to the light meal, dainty tea sandwiches, fruit, shrimp.....mmmmmm.....everything was delicious and gobbled up quickly.  My youngest daughter was crazy about the tea sandwiches with their olives, cream cheese and circle shapes and couldn't get enough of them!  Goodbye peanut butter and jam!

Once everyone was full, out came the decadent cake and cupcakes.  Suddenly there were boys in the room!  Where had they come from????  Oh, they smelled the desserts!  They'd been ousted from the girls' tea room forced to eat pizza, but they were allowed the dessert, so they were quickly let in and then kicked right back out......

Then the more formal part of the afternoon began.  I was not expecting this.  I had actually thought to myself, I should call my sister and ask her if she wants me to bring a verse or something to share, but then, for some reason, I didn't - I figured she probably had it all under control.  I was right.  In a way, this event was about to be as much a blessing to me as it was to my daughter.

My family started a tradition when my older sister, C, turned 40 - we went out and bought her 40 little gifts that symbolized her, from fun shoes, to hair things, makeup, etc., that were all a way to celebrate the many different sides to her.  The next siblings to turn 40 also received 40 little gifts (over 40 days!) and so it seemed a little tradition was created.  S did this for my daughter, in a way, to carry on the new  tradition.  So each aunt or Grammy, had brought a little gift for her, adding up to 16 things, culminating in a beautiful bracelet that any girl would be thrilled to wear.

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But that was not the true blessing - S had verses prepared where she inserted my daughter's name, 16 different times, praying that God would show my daughter her gifts, direction in her life, help her to help others and so many other incredibly beautiful sentiments - all directly from Scripture.  I loved this as we all know she could have gone out and bought any Hallmark card that wished her well in her upcoming year, etc., etc., but she didn't - instead she (and others who had picked verses that spoke to them about my daughter) went to the Word - only God, not Hallmark, has the right and the authority to truly guide my daughter - each verse was either individually hand-written or typed and will forever be remembered and appreciated.  My prayer is that she will truly take those verses to heart, truly live those verses now and ask God to apply those verses to her life.

Each verse had been wrapped up in a pretty little paper envelope that could have easily been tossed at the end of the day.  I told my sister to hang on to them as she had set the standard for all the little girl cousins to come.  I want to do the very thing she did for my daughter and for all the other daughters to come (there are 7 more girls in the family.....so far....my brother just got married this past summer!)  I hope those 16 envelopes are kept for generations to come.  I'd like them to act as part of the memorial, especially if they get all tattered and ripped over time.  Even better.  Scripture will go inside them, the one true thing that can guide our girls.  I even think with my sister in the States and her daughters that this is something we must try to do for them as they enter into their 16th year.... perhaps "Skype-a-Ceremony"?!  I'm sure it wouldn't be the first internet birthday party!

So, to my sister, C, the one who couldn't be there - I know you and your girls would have been there in spirit and would have flown up in a heartbeat if you could have - sometimes the oldest children in a family are the guinea pigs and we learn by doing something like this that a new tradition has just been started.  Who knew?  In this case it was my child who was the guinea pig, but now we know....this must de done again.  I can't wait to do a repeat performance for Mal as she'll be next in the girl cousins - if not in person, by Skype - it'll be something you and her can look forward to.

To my sister, S, mom, mom-in-law, sister-in-law, Nana, and all the sweet little girl cousins, even those not able to attend....what an afternoon I'll never forget.  The effort that was put into that day to make it special was mind-boggling.  Writing it out has shown me that even more.  To have God as our focus, to have it in common as we raise our children, is a gift I treasure and trust that I'll never take for granted.   You don't have to look far to see how rare that is.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - like I said earlier, it was as much a blessing to me as it was to my daughter.  Love you all and I truly am in debt - in debt to your kindness.  I look forward to "paying you back."

Redeeming Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.  Doesn't it feel like Hallmark is taking advantage of us?  Is it possible to redeem these worldly holidays?  I think so.  I simply take them as an opportunity to bless my family and make their day just a little more special.  Who doesn't enjoy a little shaking up of the normal, mundane routine of oatmeal?


But, something happened this year.  My kids grew up and guess what, I got kicked out of the kitchen.  I've been told to not come downstairs until I'm told.  But I'm supposed to be the one blessing them!  Maybe all those years of trying to make their life a little brighter on certain days is paying off....I'm starting to get treated like a queen.  Nancy Campbell said this would happen.  I'm really enjoying this!


However, they don't know I'm still up to something.  I got a ton of berries on sale and some chocolate chips, also on a major sale.  I'm going to simply melt some chocolate later on today, dip some strawberries (and/or bananas) into it and then roll in some chopped walnuts (or some healthy flax seed!) for a yummy treat at snack time.  It doesn't have to be expensive.  It doesn't even have to be red.  Just something a little different, like heart-shaped pancakes, to make their day fun.  I love fun.


So, I can thank Hallmark for the little reminder, but I don't have to buy super expensive roses or boxes of chocolates.  Maybe, if I can, I'll even take a minute to write a quick note to my kids - my parents used to do that for me.  Those notes don't cost money either.


Other years, RM and I used to go out for dinner, but now we just make a special dinner at home.  Tonight we'll be watching (if we can locate the link!) to a live Paul Washer event (the whole family will listen in as our family devotional time).  He is one of the most inspiring preachers you'll ever hear.  Tune in if you can.  He's speaking at Redeemer University in Ancaster, Ontario tonight at a youth conference (google it as I don't have the link yet).  What a great way to spend a Valentine's night!


For RM, I bought him a special coffee that he loves (also on a major sale with a flyer).  I already know he purchased a little something for me that is small, but a special token.  Several evenings a week, when the kids go to bed, we enjoy special evenings together by the fireplace, talking for literally hours - it sometimes makes for a short night of sleep, but I wouldn't miss it for the world.  Tonight will be no different.  I look forward to it.


Should we have spent anything at all?  Is that breaking our vows?  I don't think so.  The things I purchased we need for breakfast anyway!  The chocolate added up to less than $8 and I'm not planning on using it all today.  So I might be using $2 worth today - that's pretty good for chocolate!


Decorating?  Nothing special this year.  Other years the girls have made crafts.  I actually think they have made some crafts...I just haven't seen them yet!  I'll find out when I come downstairs.


On another note....we are now into the period of Lent - Ash Wednesday was this week.  Forty days before Easter.  This is always a special period of time, focused prayer, preparing for the reason Jesus came to this world.


This year, I've asked RM if we can pray together every morning for these next forty days - specifically for our debt, that it really will be cleaned up faster than we think is humanly possible, for our children (specifically for the ones who are struggles at certain times), for his work, that God would bless it, and anything else that comes to mind, but those things in particular.  We've been doing this already and I'm already seeing God move.  What an awesome school day it was yesterday, particularly with one of my children who has been giving me a tremendous challenge - I couldn't believe the difference.  It wasn't because God suddenly made him obey me.  It was because suddenly I received an idea that I hadn't used in 6 years.


Perhaps you smarty-pants moms out there already do this, but I hadn't done it in a long time because, well, frankly, it meant creating another file on the computer, going to RM's office to print it out....it just seemed too big a task when I feel like I have so little time as it is.  My idea?  Well, it's very simple, don't get too excited....I made a weekly assignment schedule for him with boxes to check off after each subject.  Like I said, pretty simple.  Each subject is listed, followed by a list of the days of the school week.  Beside each day I write what he is to finish in that subject.  The empty box is across from that.  I think what was overwhelming for me was that I thought I had to sit down on a Sunday evening and think through the whole week about what he was supposed to finish.  I didn't want to do that.  Yesterday, I simply sat beside him and wrote it out, in all of 5 minutes, what I hoped he could accomplish in each subject.  Then, and here's the magic....I gave him a sticker and positive comment beside each thing done.  Oh my goodness.  You would have thought I was a miracle worker.  Now, it was only the first day, so the novelty will probably wear off, but yesterday, if that boy didn't finish every single thing I asked him to - with no fussing.  Unbelievable.


I share this because of the power of prayer.  I picked up The Power of a Praying Parent which I hadn't picked up in years and I decided that is an area I really want to kick up a notch - pray for my kids, in all areas of their lives....health, direction, school, future spouses, behaviour.....you get the idea.  So these next forty days I will be doing just that.  Another free idea that can only benefit your children!  What a gift!  If I knew someone was praying specifically for me for forty days I'd be thrilled!


Well, I can smell something cooking in the kitchen.  I'm a blessed mom today.  I have a lounging husband in the bed behind me.  His daughter is about to bring us a coffee!  Is this for real?  When did our kids grow up?  I'm really starting to enjoy the new season of life we've entered!  The baby is yelling at the top of his lungs, "Momma!  Momma!"  But they just keep stuffing him with blackberries, so I know he's fine - they handle him, so that I have a little break.  I'm going to soak this moment up.....stick with it young mom, all those years you put in will come back to you hundredfold!


1.  I'm thankful for my children.
2.  I'm thankful for opportunities to switch up the routine a little.
3.  I'm thankful for the way all those early years of sacrifice are starting to pay off!
4.  I'm thankful for cheap gift ideas.
5.  I'm thankful for old assignment sheets that worked miracles yesterday and for stickers!!!!!!

Goshen or Bust

What an interesting few days we've had.  The long story short is that there is now a lovely white 944 Porsche sitting in our driveway, but boy oh boy, that did not come as easily as we thought.  The car scene is full of shady characters it turns out.


We were supposed to have had a red 944 in our driveway, but the guy who was selling it wasn't there when Renaissance Man and the boys showed up to load it onto the trailer they'd brought.  Supposedly, he was called into work.  Trying not to freak out on the guy, RM wondered when he would be back as they would wait.  He didn't know.  Didn't know?  Hmmmm.....2, 3, 4pm?  No idea.  So, RM tried to turn it into an opportunity to be with his boys and did some fun things around town, waiting, texting the guy, and more waiting.....this was getting weird.


Finally, it was dinner time, the boys were hungry.  How long could this go on?  Now the texts from, we'll call him, the other yahoo, had stopped long ago.  Now RM (and I) are starting to get a bad feeling.  He decided to drive by the guy's house one last time and believe it or not, the garage door was open and the Porsche was gone.  What?!  Drive home right away, I told him.  This is not looking good.  All you have to do is think back to the story that hit the news last year about another innocent car deal that went really bad.  I wanted him and the boys home right away.  It actually made me really glad he brought the boys - what if he hadn't?  It makes me cringe to think.


Within 12 hours he had bought another one (fortunately no money had exchanged hands with the first deal).  This one was a major hike way up north, about a 3 hour drive.  He offered (honest, I didn't ask him to!) to take the 3 year old and the 3 other older boys.  SURE!!!!!  I'm sorry, did I say that too quickly????


So, Monday morning, off they go, to buy Porsche #2.  The getting there wasn't a problem.  This seller was definitely home and didn't seem like a gangster with his 5 kids and wife nearby.  Whew!  As RM started to get the Porsche loaded, he noticed some funny lights on the dashboard of our truck which did not look good - he was starting to have mechanical problems of his own with his truck.  Not good.  Then, he got stuck in the guy's snow covered driveway and a buddy of his had to come and pull RM out.  Finally they were on their way, but the truck was getting worse and worse.  He was pretty sure he'd need to stop and get the truck looked at.  Oops, spoke too soon - the truck stopped moving and he and the boys were stuck on the side of the highway.  Oh dear - it was now dinnertime and this was really the first time we'd been in contact all day.  I thought he would have been home by dinner.


Let's not forget that funny little piece of info - he's got the three year old.  He's now had him much longer than expected.  I wish I could have been a fly on the wall!  He hadn't disappointed!  That little guy had been more of a handful than any of them had expected.  He seemed to set the tone in the truck that day and it wasn't a fun one.


Now RM was asking for the number of our good friends who lived in a town nearby.  He was getting the truck towed, but he and the boys were going to need to get picked up from the side of the road and it looked like they were going to need a place to stay overnight as well as a meal or two.  This was setting RM back big time.  He has work to do!  and not just on cars!


Fortunately, our friends were willing hosts and it turns out God had, no doubt, orchestrated the whole event just to see them.  They are going through a difficult time themselves, out of work, trying to pay off debt as well, lots of young kids....a real discouraging time.  I had been encouraging this other mom just a few days earlier to start to seriously pray and fast.  So she did.


Meanwhile, she had been encouraging her husband daily, since that time she and I had talked, to call RM - perhaps he had some work contacts, perhaps he could just be an ear for him, but you know husbands....they don't pick up the phone just to chat and get encouraged.  No, they don't work that way.  So God had to step in.  First of all, the first car deal fell through.  Secondly, the next car was being purchased up north, near them.  Thirdly, the truck broke down outside their town and that was where the truck got towed.  Fourthly, their name was the first and only name of someone he knew that lived nearby.  When her husband got the call, he was happy to pick them up and my girlfriend was more than happy to feed them and have them overnight.  The men ended up talking late into the night and praying together.  Only God can make those kinds of meetings happen.


On a side note, I quickly got on the phone to my friend once I knew her husband was on the way to rescue my family, to thank her.....and warn her....."He's bringing the 3 year old!" I told her.  "Oh, that's fine, I have one, too."  "Oh, no you don't!  My 3 year old is indescribable!  Remember," I continued, "This 3 year old has napped on and off all day, he hasn't eaten, he's been cramped up, no exercise, no way to get out his wiggles.....keep him away from your animals and all small children!" Don't get me wrong!  I wasn't cursing my child, I was simply telling her the reality of the situation!  I wasn't there to prevent anything from going wrong and RM wasn't in that kind of headspace to be on top of the little guy and his unpredictable actions........


I went to sleep that night without hearing any news.  The next morning RM called to give me an update that he was on his way home with a fixed truck.  Yeah!  "How's J (the 3 year old)?"  "Oh fine.  He bonked one of their kids."  Can't say I didn't warn her....


Ok, let's get serious and go back to why I entitled this Goshen or Bust.....


When RM called to tell me what was going on and that they were stuck on the side of the road, I quickly reminded him, and he knew, that God must be up to something.  We are definitely learning to not question him on these kinds of interruptions anymore.  The next morning, I was back in Genesis (finally into Exodus!) and I read the well-known story of Joseph.  Each time I read this story we are in a different place so I relate to a different character each time.  This time, oddly enough, it was Jacob.


What a sad life Jacob had led.  From early on in his life as a twin, earning his birthright dishonestly, being chosen as a favourite by his mother, living in fear, running from his brother.....not a stress-free existence.  Then having children of his own by multiple wives who also provided no end of stress, a rough relationship with his father-in-law.....finally having two boys with the love of his life, Rachel, but then she dies in childbirth...how awful!  But at least he has his children, or does he?  He inherited the generational sin of showing favouritism to one of his boys, Joseph.  This doesn't go over well and ultimately contributes to his other children selling Joseph into slavery, but of course, Jacob doesn't know this and is told that he was eaten by wild animals.  Nice.  He lives out most of his days in sorrow.


Finally the Joseph story takes a turn when the famine starts in Egypt.  The remaining brothers are told by Jacob to go and get food in Egypt.  This is when Joseph tests them by taking Simeon as a prisoner until they return with the youngest brother Benjamin who remained with Jacob.  When they return to get Benjamin, Jacob refuses to let him go and in fact, doesn't seem to worried about leaving Simeon behind because the Bible says they didn't return until they'd used up all the grain - what?!  How long did he have to stay behind!  I hadn't noticed that before.  Simeon must have not been impressed.


Once again, the famine is still quite bad and they run out of grain again.  This time Judah steps in and says he'll be a pledge of safety for Benjamin.  The story then comes full circle.  Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, offers forgiveness and asks for Jacob to return to him with all of his family and herds.  They'll be taken care of and be able to live without fear of the famine.


When Jacob hears all of this, it is too good to be true - "his heart became numb, for he did not believe them."  Finally they convince him it is true and they pack up and go.


God had always been there, in spite of his hard life, and had spoken to him throughout his life.  Once again, he speaks to him in visions of the night, "Jacob, Jacob.  I am God, the God of your father.  Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt for there I will make you into a great nation.  I myself will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you up again, and Joseph's hand shall close your eyes."


So off they go.  They arrive in Egypt and Pharaoh himself comes out to meet Jacob.  Such an interesting moment.


"And Pharaoh said to Jacob, 'How many are the days of the years of your life?'


And Jacob said to Pharaoh, 'The days of the years of my sojourning are 130 years.  Few and evil have been the days of the years of my life, and they have not attained to the days of the years of the life of my fathers in the days of their sojourning.'"


What a sad response!  It appears Jacob has not read Ann Voskamp!  He didn't look back, it seemed, with much gratitude or joy, for that matter, on how his life had gone.  He said his days had been few and evil.  This is one of the top guys in the Bible!  His life stunk in his eyes. 


But, God was faithful even so Jacob felt this way.  His life might have been hard, really hard, and sad, really sad, but in the end, God brought him to Goshen - to "the best of the land" in Egypt where he would "eat the fat of the land".


I share all of this because when RM called me on the Tuesday morning to give me an update, I could hear discouragement in his voice.  It had been quite the 24 hours - nothing like what he had expected.  Having just read about Jacob that morning, I quickly shared Jacob's response to Pharaoh.  Jacob, this famous patriarch, had not seen all these lows in his life with a great perspective.  It would have been easy for RM to say the same, that his days have been "few and evil" - it's hard not to say that when you go through these types of challenges.  Yet God speaks to us, perhaps not in night visions, but through his word, and we do have the Ann Voskamp advantage!  We can say "Thank you for breaking our truck down!  Thank you for allowing little J to be along on the trip!  Thank you for our great friends who lived right nearby where RM broke down!"  I told RM, don't be like Jacob!  Let yourself see things through a heavenly perspective - he's taking us to Goshen.....some day - even if we are in a famine-type state.  God even used the famine to bring Jacob and his son together again.


So now, my prayers are all about Goshen - Lord, take us to Goshen.....in your time.....Jacob didn't get there as quickly as he hoped.  In fact, I don't think he ever thought Goshen existed.  As far as he was concerned, Goshen was not a reality in his life.  I want to believe Goshen will be our reality.  The greatest part of the story is not just how Jacob gets to go to Goshen in his old age, but the Bible specifically describes who else benefitted, "The sons of Israel carried Jacob their father, their little ones, and their wives....All his offspring, he brought with him into Egypt."  The Bible could have just said, "Then a bunch of them came to Egypt."  No.  The little ones.  Their wives.  Even me and my little people will get to go with RM someday. 


RM and I know it might not be us that truly benefit from getting out of debt.  It really might just be these future generations.  This story acknowledges that yes, Jacob, finally at the end of his life arrived, but it also says, "...you and your children and your children's children" will ultimately be the ones who benefit.  That is a little bit hard for me if I'm truly honest.  I wish I could have benefitted a little earlier on in my life, but I can't change the past.  I'm grateful for the future though and how my kids will do better in the land of Goshen.


Ok, one other great side note to not having the little 3 year old running around here for 24 hours...heh, heh, heh......I had to fake sympathy a little when RM first called to say there was a major delay.  "Really!  I'm so sorrrrrry, honey!"  I admitted to my friend when I spoke to her on the phone, "This is really awful for RM, but GREAT FOR ME!!!!  HA!  Do you have ANY IDEA how much I'm getting done around here!!!!!"


Hey, I love my children, but my house is a mess!  There was so much cleaning up and reorganizing I wanted to do and that just does not get done when that boy is around.  You wouldn't believe what I accomplished with my older girls in that period of time.  We completely took their room apart and moved the 5 year old in with the baby.  That room also got a complete cleanup top to bottom.  Desks got moved upstairs which the girls had wanted for some time.  My room had never been really cleaned up since it had been a cat maternity ward a few weeks ago.  That finally got taken care of.  I did a major overhaul on the homeschool room.  This led to a major basement cleanup once everyone got back where I, sob, went through all my babystuff and, more sobbing, cleared it ALL out.  My friend and I admitted to one another on Sunday that, it's true, we are finally getting older.  It is time to move on.  It appears no more babies are coming.  I even threw out the car seat.  But, but, what if I do have another one?????  RM assures me we'll buy it all again.  Still sad, but it's time to stop hanging on to all the beautiful clutter that I love so much that comes from 8 babies, hoping there might be more.....I never thought I'd be in this place, but I am.  I'm ok with that, but it is a time of mourning for me.


All that to say, my house is looking better and better!  Is it possible that God knew I would need that time and RM would never have agreed to taking him out of the picture for 24 hours!  I can only say, God really does "work ALL things together for good"!!!!!  Hee hee!!!!  Well, he's back now and tearing up the house in his dreams.......he'll be down soon and it'll be another busy day jumping from one couch to another.


Back to the Porsche for a minute.  Was God putting roadblocks in our way so that we wouldn't pursue this way of getting out of debt?  I don't think so.  I think it was just another test of our resolve.  Anything worthwhile doing is hard work.  I really love that our boys observed the trial.  They will have trials in their lives.  They must learn how to cope.  How else do you learn this without watching the generation before?  We accept the trials gladly knowing the eternal purposes behind them.


So, is Goshen in our future?  I'm sure hoping so, but in the meantime, I'm here with all sorts of cats and children crawling all over me and I'm happy.

Goodbye Pity Parties....

I want to invite you again to my family room where the kids and I sat for our morning devotion time on Friday.  This was right after I got off the phone with my other sister wishing her a wonderful time on her trip to Chicago.....


I don't normally do this, but that day I couldn't find my book that tells us what passage to read, so I opened up my Bible and it fell open to Psalms.  I write all over my Bible and I looked down and saw a verse underlined.  One about a prisoner.  So interesting.  So I thought to myself, I wonder why I underlined that then?  I also always date the verses I underline for that very purpose, to remind myself what God was doing in my life at that time and sure enough, there was the date - nearly 3 years had passed.  I immediately wanted to read the rest of the Psalm to the kids, so even though it was a little random, we read Psalm 79.


It begins by speaking about how things just are not going well for Jerusalem,


¹ O God, the nations have invaded your inheritance;
    they have defiled your holy temple,
    they have reduced Jerusalem to rubble.

I explained to the kids, it's almost as if the writer, Asaph, is trying to tell God, things aren't how they are supposed to be for your people, your temple.  I asked them, "Isn't that how we feel sometimes?  This isn't how it's supposed to be!  We shouldn't be in this position!  This can't be what you want for us!"

It gets worse before it gets better  - Asaph continues to explain just how bad it is....

² They have left the dead bodies of your servants
    as food for the birds of the sky,
    the flesh of your own people for the animals of the wild.
³ They have poured out blood like water
    all around Jerusalem,
    and there is no one to bury the dead.

It is quite a severe situation - the servants of the Lord are being left for dead.  No one is left to care for them, even to bury them.  This is where my kids love reading the Bible as it can be quite graphic - dead bodies, blood, guts.....

Verse 3 is speaking about how the neighbouring countries view Jerusalem in their plight....

We are objects of contempt to our neighbors,
    of scorn and derision to those around us.

I asked the kids if we are objects of contempt sometimes.  Perhaps to our figurative neighbours who view our family perhaps making extreme decisions when we should just lighten up a bit?  We do know for a fact that we are certainly objects of contempt to Satan.

Asaph has to ask,

⁵ How long, Lord? Will you be angry forever?
    How long will your jealousy burn like fire?
⁶ Pour out your wrath on the nations
    that do not acknowledge you,
on the kingdoms
    that do not call on your name;
⁷ for they have devoured Jacob
    and devastated his homeland.

My not-so-theological interpretation?  Lord, the world is upside down!  The world does not acknowledge God or call on his name!  How long, Lord?  How long does the world have to be like this? 

Then, on to us - verse 8.....

⁸ Do not hold against us the sins of past generations;
    may your mercy come quickly to meet us,
    for we are in desperate need.
⁹ Help us, God our Savior,
    for the glory of your name;
deliver us and forgive our sins
    for your name’s sake.

These have to be my favourite verses in the Psalm.  We've acknowledged to the kids before that Mommy and Daddy didn't necessarily make the wisest decisions financially in the past.  And, not unlike the author of this Psalm, we've asked that God's mercy  would "come quickly to meet us for we are in desperate need".  For no other reason, we ask for his help "for the glory of your name".  We ask that he would "deliver us and forgive us for your name's sake."

Then, the prisoner theme again....

¹¹ May the groans of the prisoners come before you;
    with your strong arm preserve those condemned to die.

And the generational theme again.....

¹³ Then we your people, the sheep of your pasture,
    will praise you forever;
from generation to generation
    we will proclaim your praise.

So, verse by verse, we prayed these prayers, just repeating scripture, God's words, back to himself...

"Lord, things are not how they are supposed to be.  You know this.  You see this.  There is contempt in the world for your ways.  How long does it have to be this way?  We ask for your mercy, for your deliverance, in spite of ourselves, who deserve nothing.  You hear our groans.  We need your strong arm.  We pray this for the future generations!"

Before I read the Psalm, I debated on telling them what they were missing out on.  Would it make them upset to know they weren't going on a trip when their cousins were?  Perhaps I should just keep it to myself, but then I thought I will tell them, but not to make them angry or bitter.  I told them very purposefully, to give them a chance to trust God, again.  As I told them I reminded them, (though I hardly think I needed to as they know what God has done), of all the ways God has blessed them, taken care of them.  We don't get tears anymore from anyone.  One of them said, "If he wants us on a trip, he'll get us there somehow."  They've seen this happen so they're speaking truth!  It was another great time of learning for our children.

Simple as that now - life goes on.  The pity parties even in our kids are getting fewer and fewer.  I really don't think they feel underprivileged in any way.  I don't either.

Then, a blessing, at the very end of the day - I was already upstairs getting ready for bed when I got a call from my sister.

Cross references:

1. Psalm 79:1 : S Ex 34:9
2. Psalm 79:1 : S Lev 20:3
3. Psalm 79:1 : S 2Ki 25:9; S Ne 4:2; S Isa 6:11
4. Psalm 79:2 : Rev 19:17-18
5. Psalm 79:2 : S Dt 28:26; Jer 7:33
6. Psalm 79:3 : Jer 25:33; Rev 11:9
7. Psalm 79:3 : Jer 16:4
8. Psalm 79:4 : S Ps 39:8; S Eze 5:14
9. Psalm 79:4 : Ps 44:13; 80:6
10. Psalm 79:5 : S Ps 74:10
11. Psalm 79:5 : Ps 74:1; 85:5
12. Psalm 79:5 : S Dt 29:20; Ps 89:46; Zep 3:8
13. Psalm 79:6 : S Ps 2:5; 69:24; 110:5; Rev 16:1
14. Psalm 79:6 : Ps 147:20; Jer 10:25
15. Psalm 79:6 : S Ps 14:4
16. Psalm 79:7 : Isa 9:12; Jer 10:25
17. Psalm 79:8 : S Ge 9:25; Jer 44:21
18. Psalm 79:8 : Ps 116:6; 142:6
19. Psalm 79:9 : S 2Ch 14:11
20. Psalm 79:9 : Ps 25:11; 31:3; Jer 14:7
21. Psalm 79:10 : S Ps 42:3
22. Psalm 79:10 : Ps 94:1; S Rev 6:10
23. Psalm 79:10 : ver 3
24. Psalm 79:12 : Isa 65:6; Jer 32:18
25. Psalm 79:12 : S Ge 4:15
26. Psalm 79:13 : S Ps 74:1
27. Psalm 79:13 : Ps 44:8

My sister's mother -in-law gave my sister tickets to go to "Unique Lives", a speaker series in downtown Toronto of women (and men, I assume?) who live unique lives, thus the name!  The speakers are always fairly famous people who have done amazing things in their lives.  The last time I went I got to hear Craig Kielberger's brother and his wife (he's the Me to We guy) - it was very inspiring and made you want to go out and do just as amazing things or more with your life!  The last time we saw that together was quite a few years ago - it was a wonderful time.  Last night her mother-in-law offered her tickets again, as she'll be out of town, but why of all days, does she call my sister last night - why?!  We all know why by now - because God just does those kinds of things!  Remember he is pursuing, chasing, hunting me down - trying to give me and show me mercy ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE!  My sister could have asked anyone, but she asked me.  She could have called any day of the year, but it was that Thursday night, on a day of surrendering our rights.  Perhaps it was because she knew I was missing out on the fun sister weekend coming up.  When she asked if I could free up some time to go......"Done," was what I quickly said.  I think I said it before she even finished her question.


Why am I telling you this?  Because I am trying to share the lows and the highs.  Friday was not necessarily a low, but it was a test for sure.  Mercy was shown once again, this time to me!  Is it coincidence?  I stopped thinking that a long time ago!  Thank you, S!  God used you as a blessing in my life.  I appreciate it and can't wait to go!  Looking forward to hearing more about your trip!

This weekend, we were thankful for:

1.  Cold weather, but no frozen pipes.
2.  Stuck in our driveway, missed church, but finally got out!
3.  1st Porsche deal fell through, but 2nd deal working out today, Lord willing.
4.  Very  messy house ahead of me today, but the 3 year old will be with Daddy all day, so that frees up a LOT of time!!!!!
5.  Spring is around the corner, right???????