First off - a big oops - Lent doesn't start until March - I was a whole month early! But, doesn't matter, I'm taking it as a call to prayer anyway. So hopefully that didn't throw anybody off!
Secondly, I'm sensing a theme! When I hear things or read things or see things multiple times and within a matter of days or hours even, I know, God is trying to communicate to me. Because Satan isn't content to just let me be, the demon of discouragement sits at my feet, on my shoulder, outside my door, waiting, waiting for that little crack of doubt and then wham! I start down that slippery path.....
So, even though, I'm doing much better, always aware of how Satan works, I still struggle with the "how long"?
It began on Sunday morning. Aren't Sundays always a struggle? This winter has been one of the worst weather-wise and we've been stuck countless times in our driveway. Getting stuck often happens on the Sunday morning. I mean being stuck so badly that by the time you get out, church is more than half over. We've even had animals die on a Sunday morning right before church. Or kids get sick on a Sunday morning....whatever it is, it seems like a challenge to get there and arrive in one piece with a happy face!
This past Sunday it was an unwell child. My oldest daughter was playing piano, so we definitely needed to be there. I offered as my husband was in a lot of physical pain from a hard few days working on his contracts. This meant I had 7 children on my own. Our church encourages the children to worship with their parents, so all of them would be with me in the service. That is fine as the older ones are completely comfortable with this and have done it for many years now, but the 3 year old (I think I've mentioned him before) and the nearly 2 year old aren't quite as used to it yet.
Right away I left the older ones in a pew on their own, knowing they'd be fine and then I went and sat with the younger 3 at the back. They read toddler books and sat on my lap, most of the time.
I really wanted to hear what the pastor was saying, but if I even opened my Bible, it got ripped out of my hands by the 21 month old and so I was left with managing children with the hope that I would hear something he said without the advantage of an open Bible. The 3 year old was fine, at first. It was the baby who was offering up a challenge. So down I took him where I reminded him, if you know what I mean, that mommy was in charge. He was quiet the rest of the service. Yeah! Then, the 3 year old started. It's not defiance, it's just wiggliness....constant. I understand, but he still needs to learn, so down we went. After that, he calmed down a bit, but on and off through the whole service, it was a challenge. My 5 year old had a pen in her hand and it looked like she was writing notes the whole time. Turns out she was! In her own little phonics, she had written things about God which showed me she is slowly starting to get it.
Meanwhile, the pastor was speaking on Hebrews 6:13-20. Hebrews is not an easy book of the Bible, so to have some indepth study is wonderful, if I could just get my Bible open! In the middle of grabbing a fallen book, manipulating the 3 year old back on my lap, snapping my fingers at the 5 year old, I heard the words I needed to hear, "Hope". I snapped to attention. "Hope". The whole message that morning had been on hope. In fact in my Bible, the title at the top of this section is called, "The Certainty of God's Promise". I was all ears, even though the toddler world around me was clearly a challenge, I knew I was supposed to hear those words. The songs right before the sermon had been on hope. One song by Stuart Townend never fails to choke me up. It's a combination of the sad melody, the crying-out-type words, and it all comes back to me - we used to sing this at the time we were building the house and when things were so hard. It always got to me then, too.
We have sung our songs of victory,
We have prayed to You for rain;
We have cried for Your compassion
To renew the land again.
Now we're standing in Your presence,
More hungry than before;
Now we're on Your steps of mercy,
And we're knocking at Your door.
How long
before You drench the barren land?
How long
before we see Your righteous hand?
How long
before Your name is lifted high?
How long before the weeping turns to songs of joy?
Lord, we know Your heart is broken
By the evil that You see,
And You've stayed Your hand of judgement
For You plan to set men free.
But the land is still in darkness,
And we've fled from what is right;
We have failed the silent children
Who will never see the light.
But I know a day is coming
When the deaf will hear His voice,
When the blind will see their Saviour,
And the lame will leap for joy.
When the widow finds a Husband
Who will always love His bride,
And the orphan finds a Father
Who will never leave her side.
How long
before Your glory lights the skies?
How long
before Your radiance lifts our eyes?
How long
before Your fragrance fills the air?
How long before the earth resounds with songs of joy?
The other song we sang that morning, "There is a Hope", has a line that makes my eyes literally sting, especially at this line, "There is a hope that lifts my weary head, A consolation strong against despair, That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit, I find the Saviour there! Through present sufferings, future's fear, He whispers 'courage' in my ear. For I am safe in everlasting arms, And they will lead me home."
Incredibly moving - a hope that lifts my weary head, a consolation strong against despair. There I am sometimes, but he whispers, "Courage"! He doesn't shout it, he whispers it. I'll make it!
It was a timely sermon. Though I didn't quite hear every word said, it made me want to go back to the word when I got home.
So, yesterday, I had the kids sitting around me again and we opened our Bibles back to Hebrews. But before we did, I thought I would read from our Bible League guide, the daily passage they suggest and as well the verse of the month they use. The verse of the month, which I had never noticed before, was Isaiah 40:31, "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." The theme of the month was hope! How had I missed that?
Then we read the verse for the day, Joel 2:25. This has to be the most encouraging verse in all Scripture, "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you."
We haven't had locusts, or cankerworms, caterpillars and palmerworms (whatever they are!).....or have we? Sure we have! In slightly different forms.....there were many years where we had locusts....we could have had years of much greater income if we'd been using Scripture as our guide in making decisions, but those incoming producing years are gone, never to return. We feel sad when we look back, but yesterday I had hope - I, again, had the children pray, "Lord, give back (another version used those words) those years that locusts have eaten." It was wonderful to think, even though we're creeping up in age and losing income producing years by the second, that God can still restore those years where we failed to make better decisions.
Then, back to Hebrews. Abraham was promised that he would be blessed and multiplied. I asked the kids what promises God has given to us. Right away, we all thought of the Joel passage, that he'll restore the lost years. Other promises came to us, "The diligent will eat the fruit of their hands." "You reap what you sow." We're trying to be diligent, we're trying to "sow" with more wisdom in our finances. These are promises to us. Then the Hebrews passage continues,
"And thus, Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise." Simple as that! Sort of. It wasn't quite that simple actually. It says he waited patiently, but it was really twenty years of waiting between the time that God first gave the promise to the time of Isaac being born - WHAT????!!! No, no, no.....I'm not waiting twenty years. That's ridiculous! It is no wonder that Sarah took things into her own hands and had her servant Hagar have a baby with Abraham - she was starting to wonder if God was really going to come through. Then, on top of it all - Abraham finally has this promised son, and God asks him to kill him as a burnt offering. No, no, no......that's not how it is supposed to be????!!!! These are all the things we talked about together. Do you mean we have to patiently wait to get out of debt and it could take twenty years???? Yes. Do you mean that there are going to be more tests ahead of us? Yes. Not happy. Yet God knows how fragile I am, how fragile even the kids are, so he sends encouragement through his word and other means to stick to the promises of God.
Hebrews 6:17 says, "...God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose" - he wants me to know that he is unchangeable. He wants to convince me! Verse 18 says, "...it is IMPOSSIBLE for God to lie..." and then, "we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to HOLD FAST to the hope that is set before us." Putting it all together - if it is impossible for God to lie, than those promises are true! We have fled to him for refuge! He set hope before us (neat idea!) and wants us to not just be encouraged, to not just hold to the hope, but to be STRONGLY encouraged, and to hold FAST. I kept pointing out to the kids how these seemingly extra words are not extra - they are included for emphasis very intentionally which means we better pay attention!
Verse 19, "We have this as a SURE AND STEADFAST ANCHOR of the soul...." Again, not just an anchor, but a sure and steadfast anchor - wonderful description.
So, I'm left with no option but to hope. I must take him at his word. The Psalmist still cried out, "How long?" and I do, too. I really do hope it isn't twenty years! But, Abraham waited that long and the promise was certainly fulfilled. I suppose I can wait that long, too...
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