I can't say when, but I really want to write a book on submission, not just on what I think it is, but how I've seen it successfully work out in my personal friends' lives over and over again. It would be a compilation of stories, true stories, real life stories, from this generation of women. I have numerous friends who have put these ideas, that they once fought over, into practice and now they have marriages that are truly heavenly. So, I'm not making this stuff up! I've seen it in real life, not just in my own life, but in others' lives.
I share the following story, with permission, from two of these women.
I got a call yesterday from someone who had been really struggling in this area. She had not been a happy woman these last few weeks. In short, her husband was driving her crazy. One of the things that frustrated her so much was that she thought she was such a great wife, so submissive! Why were things going so badly? I had news for her. And, a day before her call, I had broken it to her as gently as I could - she wasn't.... submissive, that is. Perhaps she'd been letting him lead, or making big decisions, but she'd been, let's say, not using the most loving tone, all along - she described it as an constant undercurrent in their home.
It had been a hard conversation with her that day. I had prayed for days leading up to it, "Lord, do you want me to say something?" Then, that afternoon, she stopped me, in the middle of our submission conversation, not knowing I'd been praying, and said, "Tell me something that will change my life." Uh, ok! She'd given me, or the Lord had given me, an opportunity to speak life into her. Wounds from a friend. She hugged me. She thanked me. We both cried. See, she had been praying and fasting about her family, her marriage, for days. I didn't know this! But because of this, she was ripe and ready to receive a word from God, through me. Wow. God was really working!
The call yesterday was to thank me and tell me we were still friends! Whew! She'd been up till the wee hours of the morning confessing to her husband her lack of submission. Amazing. She told me she'd confessed to her children that she had not been submitting to their Dad. Unbelievable.
Guess what is going to happen in this family? They are changing their future generational marriage tree - forever! Oh, I feel a good debt tie-in coming.....
Just like we had not been sowing financial obedience, she had not been sowing good seeds of submission. She needed to change her marriage and the future marriages of her children. We want our children to be free from debt forever in their futures, so we had to be the units of change as well. It always starts with confession, always. Lord, I'm sorry for not following your word, for doing it my way, in my strength! We'd been doing that in our financial decisions and she'd been doing that in her marriage.
This woman's future is brighter. The tone in her voice was rejoicing. She sounded the best I'd heard in weeks. I rejoice with her.
I know there is someone out there fighting me in their minds. You would have laughed if you'd been there when all these submission conversations were going on. Remember when some friends wanted to throw me in the back shed? I'd been talking about getting rid of debt and they hated the conviction they were feeling...."Let's get rid of her, " they said. "We can throw her in the back shed and no one will know." This time, we were talking about submission and as we were all talking, one of them said, "That's it. Why didn't we get rid of her when we had our chance last time!" They were bugged!
What was truly bugging them? They hated the idea that the woman had to go first. I explained that it is modeled in scripture, particularly through the story of Esther - she submits to her king and as a result, he listens to her and a nation is saved. Eeewwww.....they hated that. But, the natural, logical, next question I had for them is, "Ok, if you don't go first, who will?" I know that is hard to stomach, but if you try it, you'll be amazed!
Ok, take home lessons for an awesome marriage -
1. Pray, fast if you can, and ask God to show you if there is something that isn't pleasing to him in your marriage. What areas am I not submitting?
2. Once God reveals these areas to you (it'll be almost immediate, I guarantee it) - stop doing these bad habits immediately and start new ones! Take the anger and frustration you once felt towards your husband and use the anger as a trigger to remind you to change -
3. Confess to your husband where you haven't been submitting and ask for his forgiveness. Pray together.
4. Confess to your children that you haven't been modeling true submission. Ask for their forgiveness. Have them prayer for you, no matter what age. The prayers of toddlers, even, seem to have direct access to the Lord - they have no major sins inhibiting their prayers and you'll see answers from these sweet little people!
5. Continue to pray and fast for strength to do the supernatural.
6. Live it out!
One friend who particularly wants me in the shed, struggles as her husband is an unbeliever. How do you submit to an unbeliever? Very hard. My only thought there comes from Isaiah, "For your Maker is your Husband. The Lord Almighty is his name." I have loved that verse for years. I read it as a single woman, longing to be married. I had resolved if I never got married, that the Lord was my husband. He was enough. I would say that the same verse applies to someone who is married to an unbeliever - let the Lord be your husband. He is enough. Submit to the unbelieving husband, as unto the Lord. Easier said than done, I know, but that's all we have. For now. Perhaps, as this woman learns to truly submit to her husband, he'll be saved through her actions. That's my prayer for her anyway. I usually have to run away from her at this point as she's trying to get a rope to tie me up!
Ok - I think that's all for now on marriage. Perhaps more will come later. As for debt? We're still in that period of waiting for contracts to finish, payment to come and then waiting for potentially more contracts in the future. Renaissance Man and the boys are hoping to get the Porsche running this weekend and sold quickly. He's already got his eye on more cars. I'm amazed at my boys' knowledge of cars in such a short time. They walk around using words that I've never heard. It's funny, but very cool!
With spring around the corner, we hope to get our house winterized once and for all - this will cut into our debt-reduction a little, but it is something we have to do in order to reduce our heating costs in the future, so, truly, it'll be saving us down the road. God knows what we need.
Time to go wake some kids!
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