Revisiting the Vision

Now I've done it.  I jumped in way over my head and booked myself to give a seminar on a book called "Managers of Your Chores".  What was I thinking?  But I knew if I didn't set a time and actually say it out loud it wouldn't happen.  The reason I think I kept delaying was because I looked around me and saw a house that wasn't perfect, but then it occurred to me, that is not the goal of the book.  It isn't perfection I'm trying to teach, it's training my children to work, to run a home, to learn to love order.

Before I came across the book, I was drowning....in kids (5 under 8 years old), laundry, toys....all kinds of clutter.  I had no idea how to manage it all as it was the first time I'd had 5 kids! Unfortunately they don't come with their own cleaning service!  Anyway, once I got my hands on the book, it was like a light went on for me - I knew I would be ok.  My home isn't out of a magazine by any means, but now there is more order than there ever would be if I hadn't started their system.  It is now one of my life's goals to get their message into as many homes as possible!

I'll probably write more about it as I prep for the seminar which is in only a couple of weeks! Needless to say, there's a little more pressure on the kids to follow the system so I can actually prove it works!

We had another pow-wow last night as we keep reading through the book on financial freedom together as well.  We dreamed of what it would look like one day.  Two verses jumped out at us, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."  We talked about how that applies to us.  If we walk around down in the dumps, feeling sorry for ourselves, believing financial freedom will never happen, then, that is more than likely going to be the case.  It'll never happen if we have a "woe-is-me" attitude.  If, on the other hand, we believe in our hearts that we are going to press on, persevere, do our best, believing that we will be debt-free one day, then it is way more likely that that will happen!

The other verse was similar, "Without a vision, the people perish."  We made sure the kids had a vision for being debt-free.  If they don't get it, if they are not on-board, then they won't understand why the sacrifices are being made and they won't be able to go the distance with us.  We don't want to build any resentment in them.  We also took time, once again, to talk about what a mortgage truly is, explaining the words "principal" and "interest", etc.  Though we've explained it before, they had lots of questions and for some of them the lights went on as they found out just how much was being thrown away each month to the bank for the privilege of owning a home.  They were shocked.  Once they found out that money could have been ours and they thought of what we could have done with it or how it could have been used, it got them excited.  So, it's good to revisit these types of conversations and to keep the vision alive of what we're doing and why we're doing it.

We also told them how long it would take if we did nothing and just sat like bumps on logs.  Their dad would be well into his 70s at the current rate of payment making him a full-on grandpa!  We prayed for a way to make this happen.  We prayed for freedom.  We were bold.  Our children know that this is about more than a wish list to go spend all sorts of money on ourselves one day.  We long to do more than just travel and have a nice house.  We also talk about contentment a lot - learning to stay content in God's timing.  Anything can turn into an idol, even getting out of debt, if we aren't careful.  Funny how something good can quickly turn bad if we let it get in front of God's place in our lives.

Well, that's all for now.....some crazy lady signed me up to do a seminar.  Oh, that would be me.

Teaching Respect is Not an Option

Some of my kids are more compliant than others.  That's a nice way of saying some are just better behaved than others!  Some come down happy in the morning, others not so much.  Some obey their alarms, open their Bibles, memorize for a half hour, come down, do their chores, and the whole time they don't complain or say a single grumpy comment.  Others, I have to drag out of bed, force them downstairs, insist they eat with a happy face....you get the idea.  I told one of them last night that he had to come down this morning in a better frame of mind or there would be a consequence of some kind.  He certainly gets enough sleep!

I listened to Alistair Begg yesterday morning on the way into driving my daughter for her weekly piano lesson - a good half hour drive, so I got his whole message.  It was a challenging one on the 5th Commandment - Honour your father and your mother.  I turned it up as I had a few kids in the car that I thought could benefit from listening!  It was amazing.

So many people, he said, think the Ten Commandments are archaic.  Not so, he said.  Jesus often refers to them in the New Testament as do the other writers of the New Testament.  In two different places, for example, Paul specifically talks about the behaviour of children, which indirectly refers to this particular commandment.  In Romans 1:26-32, Paul talks about the ungodliness that is going on around him.  It becomes quite graphic throughout the whole chapter, even referring to homosexuality. Then he lists all these other awful sin, such as, "...covetousness, malice.  They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness.  They are haughty, boastful, inventors of evil...", but then, in this same list, the next "evil" is "disobedient to parents".  Paul considers being disobedient to parents the same kind of evil as murder.

In 2 Timothy 3, he makes another list of things that will be a sign of the last days, "For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power."  He goes on.  Another list of awful sins, but being disobedient to parents was right in there with the worst of them.

Begg was saying simply, this cannot be.  He used the Hebrew word, "kabed" which means respect, and can be translated as "a weight" or "heavy".  We've all heard the expression, "You don't have an ounce of respect for me" or "You have a ton of respect for him".  It implies a "weight" we feel, a burden of respect, so to speak.  That is what it means to respect or honour someone - we feel so much respect for them, in a sense, that it is heaviness to us.

I, of course, was thinking of my own children the whole time and checking, do they feel that for me? Have I taught them that?  Begg said so many kids treat their parents like one of the guys.  The implication was that we aren't "one of the guys".  We are their authority.  He went on to give practical examples of respect, through speech and actions.

It is the only command with a promise -   "that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you."  It almost sounds like you're going to live longer if you obey!  Well, he said, in a general sense, it's true!  If you don't obey and get involved in bad stuff with bad dudes, you could get involved with a gang and ultimately, you could get shot - short life!  Bad example, but he was saying, it really is a true principle....for a society, for a nation - if the children are obeying their parents in a society or nation, then it will go better for that society and nation.  Of course there are always exceptions, good kids die young, etc., but he said, it is the general principle we are to take from that and not throw it out just because of a few exceptions to the rule, so....in general, life will go better for a child if they obey!  Isn't that so true!?  If my child will come down in the morning, eat happily, do his chores happily, sit for school and work diligently, than all he'll hear from me is, "Great job!  I'm so pleased with you!  Take a break, you finished everything!"  If not, then all he'll hear from me is griping.  I'll be on his case the whole morning, fussing at him, dishing out consequence after consequence.....life will not go well with him (or her...I have a few "hers" as well that aren't so obedient, too!)

My children's "land" is our home.  It is not going to go well with them in our home if they are rude and disrespectful kids.  All day long I thought of these things and was evaluating each child.  I do see a higher level of respect in some more than others.  It appears I have some work to do.  I don't think I can demand respect and expect it in one day.  I really think I have to start at the beginning again with some of them and really teach what it means.  You can bet I'm going to pull out these verses this morning in our Bible time.  I love the fact the Bible includes them.

So, once again, not a lot of references to money and debt, just more about what I'm learning as a mom.  My eyes see debt though as so much more than financial debt.  If I haven't "invested" teaching my children about respect, then there is going to be a "debt", or a loss, of respect in our home towards myself and my husband.  I knew I could make a tie-in if I tried!  That is what I've learned the most as this journey of debt-reduction goes on.  It has become about a much greater thing than money.  It has revealed to me all the areas of my life where debt exists - everywhere!  Yes, in our bank account, but also in our parenting, in our housework, in our relationships to one another...everywhere!  It's all about taking the time to invest in all those areas, so I don't get behind in "payments"!  I didn't leave my sink spotless last night, so now I'm behind, once again, "in debt" to my kitchen!  Argh!

Well, that's another reason I'm up early, to take the time to get on top of things.  Financial debt is a burden, for sure.  Parenting debt, another burden.  I trust the Lord to teach me how to invest in my kids, to teach them what they need to know before they leave home.  Nancy said "There will never be enough time.  They'll be gone before you know it."  She wasn't saying it as a discouragement as much as a reminder to not waste a single teachable moment.  I've got lots to do!

A Generational Vision Through Prayer, Food, and Fellowship

So how early can you start reading and praying with a child?  Right from the womb, Nancy said.  2 Timothy 3:15 says, ..."and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings..." The Word prepares them for salvation.

Her final word for us was about leaving a generational vision for our families.  Genesis 18 says, "For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him."  We are never parenting just for today.  We must see beyond these children that we have now.  It'll affect the decisions we make for the future.  That was one of the motivating factors a few years ago when we did our "anger experiment".  I didn't want my kids to be yelling at my grandchildren so I determined that anger needed to leave our home,  Sarcasm needed to leave our home.  If we didn't change it now, it would be carried into the next generation.  I didn't want that.

The key way to make sure there is generational vision is through prayer.  She asked us, "If you aren't praying for your kids, then who is?"  Then she took us to Exodus 28:11 where Aaron's garments were being described, "You shall take two onyx stones, and engrave on them the names of the sons of Israel, six of their names on the one stone, and the names of the remaining six on the other stone, in the order of their birth."  Then later in verse 12, "And Aaron shall bear their names before the Lord on his two shoulders for remembrance."  This is what we are to do.  Just like Aaron, we are to bring the names of our children before the Lord, on our shoulders, like a burden we are to carry, for remembrance.  Later, in verse 21, a breastpiece is also described, "There shall be twelve stones with names according to the names of the sons of Israel.  They shall be like signets, each engraved with its name, for the twelve tribes."  Verse 29 says what Aaron is to do, "So Aaron shall bear the names of the sons of Israel in the breastpiece of judgment on his heart, when he goes into the Holy Place, to bring them to regular remembrance fore the Lord."

So there you have it - the challenge is to daily bring the names of our children before the Lord, on our shoulders, like a burden we bear, and also on our hearts, where we feel deep concern for the salvation of our children and any other needs they have, from the oldest to the youngest.  This will bring a generational vision.

My husband and I have always prayed together, but have we literally daily prayed from oldest to youngest, each name before the Lord?  Perhaps not exactly.  We've prayed in a general sense for their needs and specifically when a concern has come up, but daily, every name, I admit we haven't. Having shared Nancy's reminder with him, however, has changed that - we've made a more deliberate effort to say every name, specific concerns, and have brought them before the Lord for "regular remembrance."

I know this is happening in my parent's home, too and I know for sure it happened in my grandparents' homes for us and for the future generations.  I often get a quick note from my parents mentioning how they are specifically praying for us.  Sometimes they don't know exactly how to pray, but I know they are praying.  I know they are not just praying for their children, but now they bring all 18 grandchildren before the Lord, too.  That is the greatest gift they've given us and I know it is rare, to have a godly heritage.  I do not take it for granted.

The gift of prayer is something they passed on to us.  Nancy talked about how important it is to pray for immediate family, but to go beyond ourselves and pray for others, the world, our leaders, specific nations, the persecuted church.  When I grew up we had a prayer bulletin board that was literally divided up into different days of the week.  Because my parents were on staff with a Christian organization my parents had to raise their own support which was done through the generosity of a specific support team made up of families.   Each family that was supporting us was on our bulletin board.  We also had pictures of cousins and other friends or missionaries on our board.   Each night after dinner we read the Bible and then prayed for a family on the bulletin board depending on what night it was.  It was funny to reflect and remember fighting over who would get to pray for who, "I want to pray for them!"  "No, I picked them first!"  But even if we were fighting, the point was we were being taught to pray, out loud, as a family and to think beyond ourselves.  What a gift that was! Thank you, Mom and Dad!

One final thing she did say was what most women find frustrating - our most critical place to start being the best wife and mother we can be is......you got it....in the kitchen.  Oh my goodness, the feminists would be mortified to read that, but it's true.  It can be such a wonderful place if we'll let it - a place of food and fellowship.  Meals pave the way for greater things to happen.  Truths and traditions can be passed on here, if we'll let them.  And it isn't just food for the body, but for the soul. She placed much of the responsibility on the moms again as we must prepare not just the food, but what we'll talk about around the table.  So we were encouraged to come up with questions, like, "What was the most fun thing you did today?"  "What was something you learned?"  Things that can generate good conversation.  We have little cards you can pick up that have questions on them. These can also be used to have very interesting conversations.

That helps me to stop disliking grocery shopping so much as it can be a real chore.  I'm doing a much greater thing than just keeping my family alive.  I'm keeping them ALIVE, spiritually and physically! I'm creating an environment where truths are being passed on.  When they enjoy what I cook, it's even better!  I remember lively conversations around the table when I grew up .  I also remember my parents using it for a time of teaching.  We were typical children who got into little scraps all the time.  My mom or dad would use that time to bring out Scripture that spoke of using kind words or if we were grumbling and complaining about something else, they would pull out Scripture that spoke to that sin in our lives.  No need to have a family meeting to share those truths.  If everyone is around the table eating, you have a captive audience!

There were also lots of guests at our home when I was young.  My mom was very hospitable even though we were on a limited budget, I'm sure.  That never stopped her from having people over.  We all loved that as children.  Now my kids beg for friends to come over, too, and look forward to being hosts almost weekly.  Generational hospitality has been passed on!  There was little of that in my husband's house and no family worship when he grew up.  These concepts were all new to him and so he has appreciated what my parents taught me.

Well, Nancy said a whole bunch of other little tidbits here and there, but that's the official end of my notes.  It took a whole week to write out just a few sessions.  I sure don't want it to be a waste of time - getting a whole weekend away and not coming back changed would be pointless.

Nancy puts out a magazine called Above Rubies that anyone can get, for free, off her website aboverubies.org.  Each magazine is full of articles related to being a godly wife and mother written by other mothers around the world.  It is such an encouragement.  They only get sent out as the money comes in to pay for the issue, so it isn't sent out monthly, but when it comes, it always gets eaten up by all moms who receive it.  I highly encourage all moms to sign up to receive it.

I'll close with one of my favourite psalms, Psalm 78:5-8;

He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generations, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God."

You can't argue with Scripture.

The Family Altar, No Clothes and Push Ups

The Family Altar - what an amazing concept.  Nancy brought us back to Exodus 20:24 again.  "An altar of earth you shall make for me...I will come to you and bless you."  God wants to come and meet with us in the busy-ness and the overwhelming-ness of our day.  He wants to manifest Himself to us in our homes.  The Patriarchs were told to make an altar as a point of contact to hear God and have Him speak to them.  But the altar-builders were to make it of earth, not of cut stones or polished stones, just plain earth.  That speaks of the simplicity of how we are to worship - nothing complicated.  He just wanted the rocks piled up in a heap.  The He said He would come.

We simply have to make an altar in our home, but how?  It is a simple matter of setting a time and a place where we meet with God as a family.  A spiritual fire needs to get lit by God.  Leviticus 6:9 says, "Command Aaron and his sons, saying 'This is the law of the burnt offering.  The burnt offering shall be on the hearth on the altar all night until the morning, and the fire of the altar shall be kept burning on it."  The priests had to keep the fire going; they had to be faithful, taking out the ashes. Isn't that what our families should be doing?  We should be taking out the "ashes" which is sin in our family's life and then add the fuel of the Holy Spirit, through God's Word, morning and evening to keep our "fire" going.

"There I will meet with you." (Exodus 25;22)  God could have left it at just a fire burning on the altar, but what I love about reading God's Word is that He also wants incense.  I think if we just sit around and read God's Word, but there is no sweetness or love in the communication, then it will quickly become resented by the children.  God wanted a sweet aroma as well as the burning fire.  How interesting!  If we only have a sweet aroma and no reading of God's Word, the fire won't last and it will burn out.  Again, the principles in God's Word are clear.  We need both.

Whenever we try to do this as a family the enemy is at work.  It's either a kid, or a bunch of kids, who upset the time together or a phone call interrupts or a work emergency stops it from happening or something "better" comes up.  It is critical that we try to keep the time set aside, no matter what. Nancy encouraged us to train our children to pray, for everyone in our lives, from immediate family to those outside our family, to nations, the persecuted church, international needs.  It was a great encouragement.  In Jeremiah 10:25 it says, "Pour out your wrath on the nations that know you not, and on the peoples that call not on your name."  Being a praying family is what separates us from those who do not know God.  Wow.  Satan hates families who pray.  She encouraged us to evaluate our homes and the things we involve ourselves in that just so happen to "coincide" with that special time around dinner or when we would normally pray as a family.  Isn't it fascinating to see when so many things get scheduled at the exact time?  Why is that?  Because Satan is trying to keep the family from prayer, from worshiping God together.  It'll never be something obviously bad, it'll be something subtle and as we like to say around here, "good is the enemy of best".  It'll usually be something "good" that drags us away from what we should be doing.

We must press on to keep that time set aside!

Now that my Stephanie story is "over", at least for now, I'm back to thinking along financial lines again.  Today I'm going to challenge my kids to think of an area that we can cut back on even more. Could they think of one thing they could do without for a year that normally we would buy?  For me, and this is going to be hard, I'm going to not buy any new clothes for a year and by new, I mean "new to me" as I love going to the thrift stores for "new" clothes.   My closet is full.  Yes, I get bored with what I have and I love getting new stuff, but I don't really need it.   I don't think my kids can do that as they are growing so fast, but I'm going to ask them to try not to spend anything in that area unless absolutely necessary.

We can always cut back.  We cut back in some areas last year and we hardly noticed it.  I'm thinking we can cut back even more.

The winterizing of our house continues - we will side another part of our house on the weekend, I hope, which will help keep our place warm and cut back on heating costs.  Every little bit of siding gets us one step closer to warm!  It is cold at night now!  

I've got a couple more Nancy "sessions" to share and then that's it.  It really was a powerful weekend and has helped recharge me and my enthusiasm to be content at home with the little ones and not-so-little ones in my care.  I'm looking at them with such different eyes, new eyes, grateful eyes.  I asked myself all day yesterday, "Am I speaking sweetly?  Do I look happy?"  When I sensed I was not, I quickly tried to turn it into a pleasant conversation, a loving conversation.

My middle daughter is starting to notice that my oldest daughter is gone more and more.  She is very busy with her piano lessons, teaching, serving in other's homes, just not here like a toddler is, underfoot all day.  It made her sad as she realized how much she loves having her around.  The fact that she is noticing this made me realize how true her observations were - my oldest daughter is starting to be very adult-like.  A new life, new responsibilities, not just to us anymore, are starting to develop.  One day, she will likely marry and be out of our house and it might be sooner than we think!  How I need to make the most of the few opportunities I have left.  Nancy said, "You'll never have enough time."  It wasn't meant to discourage, it was more a realistic statement to make the most of the time we have with our kids, to build into them all we can as it just will never be enough time.

Don't laugh, I'm off to do some push-ups.  I've taken on a ridiculous challenge - 100 push ups, so each week I increase a series of push-ups (with breaks in between).  Be impressed.  I'm at 40+ with breaks.  Not bad!  The sore muscles remind me of my age.  Ah well, at least there are muscles to be sore!

Sweet Grapes and the Final Chapter - Chapter 11 - Crazy Courtship Rules, Babies and Heartache

More Nancy.....This comparison from Ezekiel 19 was crazy.  Judah was compared to a mother:   "Your mother was like a vine in a vineyard planted by the water, fruitful and full of branches by reason of abundant water.  Its strong stems became rulers' scepters; it towered aloft amongst the thick boughs; it was seen in its height with the mass of its branches."  She found it fascinating that of all the comparisons God could have used to describe Judah, God used a mother.  Once again reflecting the heart of God towards motherhood.

The mother's stature is described as exalted, soaring to great heights, higher than all the other trees around.  But she was wooed away, to Babylon, a place of confusion and deception where "the wind dried up its fruit".  If a woman is gone from the home it is hard to have children and so her children are sacrificed.  It was a sad picture.

There is good news though.  There is another place in the Bible where a woman is described as a vine, but this time it is a wonderful picture.  In Psalm 128:3, the wife is "like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table."  This is where I love where I live even more.  We are so fortunate, we literally have 23 rows of grapes on our property that only got harvested last week.  Up until they were harvested, we were able to take whatever amount we wanted as we rent them out to a local farmer.  I went down with the kids more than once to pick grapes for grape jelly or juice.  It always amazes me when I stand in front of the vines how the luscious grapes grow year after year after they are pruned down to the bottom of the plant. It is such a beautiful picture of fruitfulness as there are so many grapes, weighing down the vine and this year the grapes were sooooo sweet.  We had perfect growing conditions.  I see the verse saying, "I am the vine, you are the branches.  Apart from me you can do nothing."  I can see how that is possible when I look at the vine - the branches are too weak, too thin - the vine is thick and strong and the source of all the energy.  I see so many things.  Seriously, tears sometimes come to my eyes and I feel like I am transplanted back in time to Israel where Jesus would have spoke these very words, using images the people understood.  How I love grapes!

Nancy said it many times, "We are to be the picture of sweetness in our homes, just like the grapes from the fruitful grapevine."  Amos 9:13 says, "the mountains shall drip sweet wine and all the hills shall flow with it."  This is a prophesy speaking to Israel.  At some point when the time has come the land will bring forth fruit in Israel again.  It is happening now.  Nancy went back to Israel where farmers are returning to Samaria and vines are being planted again amongst the rocks and stones.  Apparently the wine from Israel is winning awards around the world.  It makes the best wine because of the stony ground.  Isn't that interesting?  That the stones and rocks are what are required to put pressure on the the grapes - thus the sweetness?  The comparison to us was clear.  Instead of fighting the stones and rocks in our paths of motherhood - let's use them to make us sweeter!  Let's let the pressure of our life make us even more fruitful as we rely on God to get us through the stony life we lead.  What a better way to look at our trials!  I want to be award-winning wine!

Back to the altar in the tabernacle.  As the Lord was giving Moses the recipe for incense, over and over again he asked Moses to take "sweet spices".  God loves a sweet aroma.  Incense speaks of the prayers of the saints - do we start our day in prayer and praise?  It can be our incense.  But, life isn't always so sweet, which is why we need to keep our aroma going all day, starting in the morning and continuing through to the evening.  We must "trim our wicks", pouring in the oil of the Spirit, coming together as a family.   We want him to fill us all the time as we leak!  We are such sinners and imperfect vessels of the Holy Spirit that we have holes and thus the need for refilling.

The Song of Solomon says, "Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue."  Ha.  Nancy asked us if our husband or kids would say that of us, "Do your lips drip nectar?"  Most of us would probably not be able to say yes, at least most of the time.  What a challenge!  We must make our homes full of sweetness!  Nancy talked about thinking very consciously of fear - fear of grieving her husband, missing his nearness when she disappoints him and puts a cloud upon him.  We must see our need for sweetness and by not being sweet, we really are being sinful and very selfish.  This, too, we must fear - sin.  If we do not fear this then we walk in the flesh, doing whatever our flesh feels like.  Then we hurt ourselves, our husbands, our children.  Proverbs 16:24 says, "Gracious words are like a honeybomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body."  God's Word, in Psalm 19 is also described as "sweeter than honey and drippings of the honeycomb."

So, are we sweet or more like sour grapes?  What about our countenance?  I've looked in the mirror to see what my face looks like when I'm angry and it isn't pretty.  Once, my daughter caught my face on camera when I was getting after my toddler.  At the time it was in jest, joking around with him that I was after him for something, but the image on the camera was awful!  I've told other moms to do the same.  Look in the mirror when you are upset with your children. I know that sounds funny, but do it.  You won't like what you see.  I purposely think about my countenance throughout the day as some people have asked me, "What's bothering you?"  and nothing was wrong!  I realized I may have had an upset face just because I was concentrating!  I seriously try to think about having a pleasant expression on my face all the time!  I know that isn't always possible, but I do try!

The challenge again - less moaning and groaning and change it to sweetness.  We must keep our emotions in check.  I had a chance to share with the ladies about our "Anger Experiment" we carried out in our home a couple of years ago - we paid our children a looney ($1) everytime we lost our cool.  We wanted to stop being an angry household.  What ended up coming out of it was amazing - now there is so much laughter in our home.  I praise God for that.  Do I still get angry - sure, but we are all so much more aware of it.

After I got home, I went out and bought candles at the dollar store.  I didn't spend a lot, just a few dollars.  I even got scented ones.  I put them out without telling anyone, but right away my daughters noticed and asked in an excited way if they could light them.  Sure, I said, that's why I bought them.  Then, out of the blue, for no reason, my ten your old said, "I'm so glad you're my mom."  Why did she say that?  Where did that come from?  I think she appreciated the fact I did something special, out of the ordinary to make our home a little more "homey", a little sweeter (scented candles!)  I don't know what was going on in her mind, but we must make an effort to make our homes a pleasant place and maybe she noticed I was trying.  It doesn't happen by accident, we have to be intentional with every word and deed.

Ok, on to the Final Chapter -  Chapter 11 - Crazy Courtship Rules, Babies and Heartache

This is where it gets really interesting.  As soon as Stephanie and Mr. A decided to start a courtship they immediately set ground rules - no touching.  That's ridiculous, you might be thinking, but is it?  They were only allowed to hug in difficult times.  That only happened 3 or 4 times.  They didn't even hold hands.  Oh, this was super strange to her parents and her other friends.  What's the big deal?  Well, it is a big deal.  Why start something you can't finish - it takes away from the true purpose of the courtship, getting to to know the person and his or her character.  In fact, this revealed Mr. A's true character in the best way!  The fact that he was willing to respect Stephanie's emotions and how a woman feels said a lot about him.  He was willing to wait.

Throughout their courtship they had a number of occasions that tested them - even a car accident.  Stephanie had just come back from a trip to Europe before she met Mr. A and had spent all her money.  She didn't have any left to pay for the fixing of the car.  Mr. A stepped up and already considered the car his responsibility to cover it and so paid for the repairs.  In fact, this happened on another occasion!  There were two car accidents!  I was amazed.  He really considered courtship like a betrothal from Biblical times where you are already one - the wedding is just the legalizing of it!  After they were married, he paid off the remaining balance of the car payments.  No debt.  That was his plan.

The day of the wedding was a cold winter day, but sunny and happy.  We all met at a salon and got our hair done and the girls even did their nails.  It was such a fun experience.  The ceremony was beautiful and Mr. A even gave a little sermon after the pastor, speaking to Stephanie and other women there about the roles of husbands and wives.  Very bold!  Then, the kiss.....

He picked her up and they kissed for what seemed like an eternity!  Everyone was laughing and clapping at their newfound joy for one another! Then, off to Europe for a one month honeymoon!  What a dream!

Both of them valued children greatly and really hoped for children right away.  God blessed them and they had a honeymoon pregnancy!  The whirlwind was about to begin!

Upon returning to Canada and finding themselves pregnant, and living in a basement apartment, Stephanie found herself in a pit of female emotions.  Things had gone so fast.  She had everything she hoped for and now real life set in.  Her husband now had to leave for work everyday and she was left on her own, literally in the basement.  She wasn't working and all the busy-ness of the wedding and planning and being courted was over.  Now what?  The blues set in....big time.

She would come over and admit these feelings to me and there was much emotion.  I felt for her.  Her husband was also a darn good leader, waking her up in the morning, to read and pray and lead her spiritually and that was just annoying!!!!!  I understood though and encouraged her to talk with him about all that she was feeling.  We prayed.  We brain stormed things she could do to keep her out of the basement and into people's lives.  She started volunteering at people's homes where they needed extra help.  She communicated her feelings to Mr. A who was soooo patient with her and tried to understand his new wife.  He'd only grown up with brothers not emotional women, so I'm sure this was a challenging time.  I encouraged her to be thankful for how annoyingly spiritual he was!  Most women would have loved it if their husbands were leading them!  She knew that, but all the new prengnacy hormones, sleepiness and the huge transition in life was just too much for her at times.  I think this dark period in her life was where God was truly refining her the most - sanctifying her from all those daydreams she used to have when she was young about how life would be after her prince had rescued her.  What a hard reality check it was, but she stayed strong, she got into the Word more than ever, prayed her little heart out and submitted to the Lord's will for her life despite all the changes.  Fortunately a wise woman and her friendly, fun daughters, lived upstairs so she had another place to go if she was needing encouragement or just someone to talk to.  God knew what Stephanie would need.  Satan hated this new relationship and I think he was trying to destroy Stephanie.  I'm so glad she came out on the other side.

I, too, found myself pregnant during this time, with my 8th.  What a blessing to be pregnant together! We had really hoped that would happen!  It made it so fun to grow at the same time, though I was probably three times her size!  Her delivery was hilariously easy (well, in my mind only, I'm sure!) - she hardly described pain!  I was envious.  We both used the same birth photographer later on and were able to capture wonderful moments that we'll both treasure for life.  We both had sons whom we are certain will be best friend forever cousins as well, only 3 months apart.

Before the baby came, they found themselves a cute little two bedroom apartment where they could set up house, above ground!  That helped, I'm sure, just being able to see sunlight.  Then she had a vehicle if she needed it.  We were able to keep up our regular visits and praying, always praying.  Once the baby came, I was on standby for anything she had a question about.  I loved sharing with her and answering any question, no matter what it was or what time of night she called.  She thrived as a new mom.  There'd never been babies in her life as she and her brother grew up very close together, so she really had very little experience.  A great reason to have lots of kids - to give my girls mothering experience!  But she caught on quickly.

Sadly, just after the baby was born, terrible news came.  Remember the rocks and stony ground in our lives?  Her mom had brain cancer.  It was one of the most progressive kinds and certainly life-threatening.  How do you rejoice in your new baby when life takes a turn like that?  Well, a believer just keeps going, and enjoys the moments you have.  That's exactly what they did.  They took everything one day at at time and enjoyed the moments they would have with her.

She endured surgery, chemotherapy and radiation.  The cancer was being kept back and there was little evidence of it.  She defied the odds and enjoyed two years, another grandchild being born and many wonderful trips and experiences before they got news that the cancer was back and this time there was nothing the doctors could do.  Stephanie cried every night at home for a week.  But after her week of crying, it was time to accept the prognosis and step up and support her parents and her brother through this next trial.  That's exactly what she has done.

It is my joy to send my daughters to her house once or twice a week to watch her kids while she spends the day with her mom.  The two of them often reflect on those years when Stephanie moved home as the most precious times in their lives.  What if Stephanie hadn't moved home?  What if Stephanie had gone off and got a job out-of-province?  We praise God as we didn't know what was ahead, but He knew.  He brought her home, she bonded with her mom and established memories that will last a lifetime.  She may have even had the cancer at that time - who knows?

Now she is in a hospice.  Stephanie is daily at her side.  We wait.  We know it can't be much longer, but she knows her Saviour and none of us are afraid as we know where she will spend eternity.  Stephanie's story continues to daily unfold.  I can look back in the short amount of time and see God's hand in literally every moment.

Perhaps there will be more to write.  I'm sure there will be.  I plan on being her bffc for a long time.  I love you, Stephanie!

More From Nancy and Chapter 10 - A Visit, A Walk, A Courtship!

A few more things from Nancy...

Satan tries to rob us of our authority in the home.  God has given us a domain - the home.  There is something in us because of the command to take dominion on the earth that loves this and wants to do this, bu there is something that fights against us, too.  Instead of longing for managing our home and making it orderly, Satan comes along and deceives us.  We end up trying to look for another sphere of leadership and we start ordering and managing our husbands.  So, of course, what was intended to be a God-given desire gets turned on us and there is only strife when we try to order our husbands around.  We all know this.

She gave a funny example of a woman with 1.6 children who is bored.  Manage my home?  Order my home?  It's easy with just a kid or two, so she literally can be bored as I was with my one perfect little child.  Add a few more into the mix and start taking dominion in our homes by doing the good works that God intended, you'll find there is no chance for boredom!  1 Timothy 5:10 says, "...and having a reputation for good works:  if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work."  This verse speaks of the good works we need to be about. 

The interesting thing is the more children I have, the more I am given dominion over!  There is never even a chance that I'll long for a different life outside my home - I'm too busy to even think about that!  I came home from the retreat and the very next day was out and about delivering meals to two moms that had just had babies.  I had to run to the grocery store to get the needed groceries, quickly do several loads of laundry that hadn't been done while I was gone, try to maintain some cleaning and get some school done, quickly make a meal for us as well, pick up some equipment for my husband as part of my errands, get the meals to the moms, have a quick visit......it was a nutty day!  There was no downtime.  But that's what Nancy was talking about and I loved every minute of it.

She talked about disobedient children, too, and how we must teach them to obey our authority as God really can't use disobedient children.  After all the years that the children of Egypt were in slavery, finally set free, then into the desert, saved multiple times in the desert, etc., etc......after all that, only 2 got into the Promised Land - Joshua and Caleb.  If that can happen to them, it can happen to us.  We must take our God-given authority over our children and train, train, train.  By obeying us, they will learn to obey God and get the blessings He has for them.

So, the take-home lesson is for us as mothers to watch out for the ways Satan can tempt us to despise our role in the home.  Being about the things that God has planned for us is just one way we can keep Satan at bay.  I'm too busy to be dissatisfied!   Ok, more later...back to Stephanie's story.


Chapter 10 - A Visit, A Walk, A Courtship!

On the night Mr. A came over to "help", he stayed up late as he wanted to talk to my husband.  Sensing this was a guy thing, I went to bed.  That night they talked late into the night as Mr. A clearly outlined his feelings for Stephanie and that he wanted things to  move ahead, but wasn't quite sure how.  He wanted to know how my husband thought he should make the next step.  Renaissance Man encouraged him to state his intentions as soon as he could so he wouldn't leave her guessing.  There was much more to it, I'm sure, but that was the jist of it.

The next morning Stephanie arrived to work for RM.  She was supposed to be doing paperwork-type things, but instead RM put her on the "trim crew" with Mr. A.  Yup, she learned to do finishing carpentry that day.  I don't think she minded.  She was an emotional mess on the inside, but kept it together on the outside, being friendly and chatty.  Oh, how funny.  She knew, we knew, he knew, that, yes, Mr. A wanted to come over and "help" at the house, but there was more to it.  If only I could have been a fly on the wall that day!  I think it went something like this....

Sometime after arriving and "helping", he asked if Stephanie would like to go for a walk.  It was Fall and rather cool.  She had no coat, but quite frankly, didn't care.  Out they went for a walk around the block.  She can hardly remember the words he said to her that day.  All she heard was that he wanted them to get to know one another to see if it was God's will they should marry."  Oh my goodness, how do you respond to that?!  "I'd like that, too," was what she said.  No doubt!  The next thing you know, they were an offical item, offically "courting" with serious intentions to marry, not just for fun, not to date, but for marriage.  Yikes, that happened fast!

The next few days and weeks were a sudden blur of emails, phone calls, little "dates" at her house, his house, our house.  Each time, Andrew had a list of things they were going to talk about.  This man was serious.  He was quoting Scripture to her, praying with her, already discipling her.  It was a whirlwind.  Her parents were rather confused, I'm sure, and by this point wondered what was going on and how this could all be happening so fast, but they were supportive and tried their best to make Mr. A feel at home.

One time he came over to our house and again, sat us all down and asked, "What should we be considering that we are not considering?  What kinds of things should we be talking about that we haven't thought of?"  Each meeting he was very intentional in getting to know Stephanie and having her get to know him.  She was on Cloud 9, to say the least.

It definitely appeared like things were moving in the marriage direction and fast.  But things seemed so right, why slow them down???? 

It wasn't long after that first courtship discussion, perhaps 3 weeks - did you hear that, 3 WEEKS, when one night they were playing a game at her parent's house.  Suddenly, in front of everyone, Mr. A got down on one knee and asked if Stephanie would marry him, just like that.  I think everyone's jaw dropped to the ground, including Stephanie's!  It appeared things were going quickly, but wow, that was really quick!  She gave a resounding "yes!" and the next thing you know, her parents, who were rather dumbfounded, opened a bottle of champagne and the celebrating began!

I got a call within a day or so from her saying, "Can we come over to see you?"  Knowing something had to be up, I played along, "Sure, whenever you like!"  They arrived shortly thereafter, beaming, and we all pretended it was just a regular meeting until Stephanie couldn't handle it anymore, "We're getting married!"  Everyone was thrilled!  We all laughed, jumped, hugged and immediately starting asking a million questions.  When?  Where?  How?  They had no answers to any of those questions yet, but that would come.

Stephanie and Mr. A now had to face the calming down of both sets of parents!  They were both in quite a whirlwind.  Even though his parents loved Stephanie and her parents were very pleased with Mr. A, they weren't quite sure that their relationship should be going at the speed it was.  Thus began a bit of a difficult stage of their relationship.  They had to work at honouring both parents, not plowing ahead too fast, yet staying resolved in their new oneness.  It was a tricky time of navigation.  They would have gotten married a week or two later.  At first it was going to be by or before Christmas, but they all settled, though somewhat begrudingly at first, with a March wedding.  They didn't want to wait any longer than that!

It was our family's honour to be super involved in the whole process.  My 6 year old daughter at the time would be her flower girl and my oldest daughter would be a bridesmaid.  I was honoured.  Over the course of the next few months, we hosted a bridal shower and the rehearsal dinner and we enjoyed every minute of it.  It was a joy to walk alongside Stephanie in each struggle and in each joy.  By this point she no longer worked for my husband as strange new priorities took over Stephanie's life!  We still maintained our weekly Friday visits and we prayed and prayed and prayed harder than ever as she worked through the details of planning a wedding when not everyone was super supportive.  One good thing in the whole process of ups and downs was that she and her parents, as well, as Mr. A and his parents, always kept open lines of communication.  They were always, always talking.  It was so good that she and her parents had redeveloped the relationship they had because they were always able to work through things that bothered them or vice versa.  Even though some of the conversations weren't pleasant or easy, she was home, so there was never a time they could ignore tension.  They had to work through everything, right away.  Eventually, I would say, her parents and his parents came around and realized a wedding was happening.  Everyone jumped on board.  Everyone stood behind them and got excited.  The festivities began and we jumped from bridal shower to bridal shower.  My girls were loving the whole experience!

I'm a Fox - My Baby Story

The reason what I heard on the weekend resonated so much with me was what woman after woman said as some stood up and gave their testimonies.  I had never heard teaching like this about the woman's role before in any church.  And trust me, I looked for it.  There was, right from the beginning, a desire in me to be a mother.  As soon as I knew I was of marrying age, I longed for a husband.  As soon as I was granted a husband, I longed for children.  Don't get this confused with discontentment - it was a God-given longing - it is how I was created, but I was told to fight it!  The advice we were given and somehow sensed from others is that it would be wrong to have children right away.  We were supposed to wait and enjoy our childlessness for at least a year.  Why?  I look back on that now and that year taught us nothing but selfishness as we certainly enjoyed ourselves and got into more debt in the process as we took little trips, went out for dinner all the time....it was an awesome year, don't get me wrong, but I was constantly thinking about babies and when we would be able to have one. 

At one point, as I was on birth control, I slipped up and missed taking a pill.  I told my doctor and she said, there is a strong chance you could be pregnant.  Oh my goodness, I nearly died of excitement.  I quickly got blood work done and was nearly out of my mind hoping for an "accident".  Shouldn't that have told me something???  When I got the news back that I wasn't, I cannot tell you the disappointment I felt.  It was just like the loss of a baby.

Then, on our first anniversary, we finally thought, ok, let's think about trying sometime this year.  Maybe by our next anniversary.  I can't remember exactly when we went off the pill, but we had heard you should go off it before you start trying.  For whatever reason, we did and for whatever reason, we started thinking it might be ok if it happened a little sooner than we had discussed at our first anniversary dinner.  In April, only a few months after that talk about when it should happen, we found ourselves pregnant.  Once again, I was over the moon.  I was so excited and knew it was a blessing as my own sister had struggled with infertility and had adopted her first son, so I knew I was not necessarily immune.  I had other friends in their late 20s who also struggled with infertility.  This was a gift, and I knew it.

It's funny how I was embarrassed to tell people.  I found out that there is a happy reaction to most announcements, especially the first two, but after that, eyebrows get raised and it is no longer such a happy announcement.

My first baby was a "walk in the park".  Sure, I had my new mother issues with nursing and weird reasons for crying, but it was as if she had read the book on being a good baby and she was so unbelievably predictable that I could tell you when she was going to go to the bathroom, to the minute, when she would cry, how long she would nap, when she needed to eat.....she was like clockwork.  I was clearly an amazing mother!  Ha.

Right back to birth control though as you don't want to have back-to-back babies we were told.  My husband was feeling the financial pressure right from the get-go, so no babies right away was good with him.  Fortunately, my doctor told us the pill was a bad idea (can't believe this to this day) as it can cause serious side effects including blood clots.  My first pregnancy had given me an awful varicose vein in my leg and one look at that told her that I shouldn't use the pill.  Though she wasn't a Christian I am so glad for that advice as I found out later it can abort babies, too.

Because I was such a good mother and was creating such perfect babies, I was a little bored, so I thought, "This baby needs a sibling."  I somehow convinced my husband to let me have another baby, which I wanted sooooo badly.  I was still nursing and didn't have a cycle, so I literally took tests every six weeks until one of them finally showed two lines!  I was never a very sick pregnant lady (thank you, Lord!), so I couldn't use that as a sign.  These first two babies were only 15 and a half months apart - like twins, I was told.  The next baby was huuuge and made my stomach stretch so I was one of those tacky pregnant ladies constantly scratching her belly!  The first one gave me the varicose vein, the second one gave me the belly stretch marks.  Ah, signs of love, to me.

This baby didn't read the book.  I found out I wasn't so perfect a mother and that I actually needed to rely on God, not myself.  He was a rough baby and didn't sleep through the night for ages.  Now, I look back and wish I had understood that that's not the goal in parenting!!!!!!  I wish I had loved him more in the middle of the night instead of stuffing a soother in his mouth.  Regrets stink, but I now talk to all mothers and try to get them to understand it can be the most beautiful part of parenting, to love them, hold them, comfort them, in those wee hours of the morning that go so fast. 

Because he was so much more "work" (at least I saw it that way then), we both agreed, a little space in between would be a good thing.  More birth control.  But even though I was struggling, sleep deprived, etc., all I could think about was another baby!  How could this be????  I've got my boy.  I've got my girl.  The millionaire's family, I was told.  I should have been happy.  People said if you got to three than you are outnumbered!  Heaven forbid!  So we started to interview other families with 3 - how did they survive????  It seemed like so many!  My pastor's wife told me, and it boggles my mind, "Three is great!  A pair and a spare!"  Yeah, good reason - have a spare child.  I'm sure she was joking, but was she?

Once again, I somehow convinced my husband this was a good idea.  He was loving being a dad, but the financial side was a little stressful for him.  He admits this now, but his faith was not that great in God and His provision.  We never missed a meal during that time and never have, but he just couldn't get his head around more.  But he caved eventually!  I easily got pregnant again and was even bigger this time - so big that my stomach muscles ripped apart - so big that you could sit on the couch beside me and hear little clicks!  I have proof!  My husband and midwife heard the clicks, too!  It was my actual stomach muscles ripping apart one by one - unbelievable.  This baby was 26 months after the second.

Each pregnancy, each delivery, had been wonderful.  I was always overdue with each one and always had 3 day labours, but other than that, very simple and uncomplicated.  Everyone told me that was why I kept having children as I was "lucky" and if I had had hard pregnancies or hard deliveries I wouldn't have kept going. 

The third baby read the book on being a wonderful compliant child, but didn't read the book on sleep, so I went through many sleepless nights, but was getting a little better at letting him nurse through the night.  Still wish I had been less worried about that.  All the books out at the time told you to make them sleep through. 

Now we were outnumbered.  Surely there would be no more, but the baby was only a few months and sure enough, there was that maternal longing again.  I was driving my husband nuts!  I would talk about it all the time!  This time there were fewer people to interview!  But we found a couple and they were all for it.  I had come from four - it wasn't crazy, it was awesome!  So, once again, we found ourselves pregnant, with our fourth.  The gaps were getting bigger between kids - this one was two years 6 months.  The reason my husband agreed this time was he finally was realizing that God was providing with each child and it was actually a faith issue for him.  Once he realized that, he was ok and knew God would provide, which of course He did.

Are you seeing a pattern?  The fifth was by far the biggest decision.  We were about to celebrate our 10th anniversary and I was on my husband's case again with that longing that would not leave me.  I started to do internet research, don't laugh, to see what it said about large families.  For fun I would google, "I want to have more kids, what should I do?"  I found one site where a woman blogged and said, "Well, I finally stopped at three because I figured that I'll always have that maternal longing and I'm not going to have a baby each time I get that desire, so I'll just be happy with the three I have.  Otherwise, I might end up with a ridiculous amount of children!"  Again, heaven forbid.  That didn't help.  I read the Bible, of course.  It seemed to only welcome children, but I was looking for numbers, not principles, at that time.  I wanted the Bible to tell me, "You should have this many children." 

My husband was really feeling the stretch financially again, or should I say his faith was.  There was no one to interview anymore.  I challenged him, gently, on our 10th anniversary dinner, to please consider another baby or at least to tell me why we couldn't have one, from a Biblical perspective.  I would cry out in the shower each morning, "Lord, I'll have as many children as you want me to have!"  I prayed for my husband.  I tried to rest in his leadership even in this area.  One time, I heard a kid's message on Noah.  The man teaching the session kept saying, "Noah built the ark."  Over and over he said the phrase, "Noah built the ark."  My husband was there when I watched this and I looked over at him as we were both a little concerned that we were now jumping in to the realm of "strange, large family".  "Noah built the ark, " I said to him.  I really saw having another child similar to building an ark in a world where no one was having children.

That week, he heard a teaching about husbands and wives.  He listened as the pastor talked about loving your wife.  Suddenly it occurred to him - my wife gets promptings all the time about children.  Perhaps God is speaking to me through her.  Perhaps God wants me to love her by listening to her promptings!  Yes!  That was it!  The fifth child came 2 years and 9 months after the last one.  The biggest gap yet as it took so long for him to come around.  I was so grateful.  It was also the first homebirth and the most amazing experience yet.

When  I was pregnant with our fifth, we heard, finally, some Biblical teaching on why I was having all these ridiculous promptings to have more children.  The speaker said, "We apply for curses (in the form of debt), yet we reject what the Bible says are blessings."  This was revolutionary thinking for me, for both of us.  We were refusing the gifts God wanted to give us.  Everything changed in that moment.  We looked at our debt situation and decided no more, debt, that is - we were going to do everthing in our power to get rid of it.  Then, after the 5th was born, my husband said to me, "We will have as many children as God wants to give us. "  What??!!!  I couldn't believe my ears.  We were now a huge family in some people's eyes, now we were just plain weird. 

If the fifth announcement was hard, the sixth was even harder.  I found I was back to being embarrassed with the 7th and the 8th was, well, not good.  When I lost the 9th, there were some people who never even knew as I couldn't bring myself to tell them, get the bad reaction, and then have them secretly relieved when I lost it, so I just avoided not telling them.  Of course, it wasn't all bad, my many friends with large families rejoiced. 

Nancy asked a room of 40 or so women if they'd ever had a positive reaction from Christians, in particular, within the church, where people jumped up and down saying "How wonderful!  Praise God!!!!" with their large family announcements.  NO ONE RAISED THEIR HAND.  Except one.  She said two strangers had said how wonderful it was and that she was blessed.  Those people probably weren't even Christians!  I didn't raise my hand as I was thinking of how people have reacted in the greater Christian community, not so much my family.  I've been fortunate with family and have received calls that have welcomed the new baby - I don't think I could have gone on as easily without that kind of support.  But, outside of that,  most reactions have not been so positive.  My church is also highly unusual, as most of the moms homeschool and are having large families, so it has been always received warmly, but from my previous church, I was seriously challenged.  Even from another pastor's wife who said, "Don't do that to your kids," when I told her we were thinking of having our fifth.  Why?!  I was shocked.  She had come from 7, but it hadn't been positive for her as she was the oldest daughter and was made to look after all the younger children.  Don't know what went wrong there, but she thought large families were damaging to the older children.  My older kids love having babies.

The Bible says in Psalm 107:41, "...but he raises the needy out of affliction and makes their families like flocks.  The upright see it and are GLAD, and all wickedness SHUTS ITS MOUTH.  Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the Lord."

The principle there is that making a family like a flock is considered a blessing!  Taking care of the needy and making their family like a flock might mean more than one child!  A flock is usually quite a few, if you picture a herd of sheep.  The upright are supposed to see this and be glad!  But sadly, it isn't that way.  We are to be considered wise when we see this and see it as God's steadfast love towards us.

I wish I had understood this earlier on.  I'm so glad my eyes were finally opened to how I was created and what I was created to do - to be a wife and a mother.  I've never felt such fulfillment.  When I was a teacher, I enjoyed the kids in my class, sort of.  But if anything it just made me want my own even more.  I've compared myself to foxes before, just for example.  I've pretended that Mrs. Fox has found out that having little foxes is just ridiculous, that having so many foxes is really quite draining.  So she goes to Mr. Fox and tells him, "I really think we shouldn't have any more foxes.  I think we should use birth control and have a bit of a gap."  Can you picture it?  How crazy????!  It would never happen.  Having foxes is what being a fox is all about.  I know I'm comparing myself to something without a soul, but the point is, I know what I'm created to do - I love having children, love being pregnant, love delivery babies, love drowning in the chaos - I love it all!!!!  I no longer fight what God has placed in my heart.  The longings are finally explained.  It was never discontentment, it was Him speaking to my mothering heart that was buried below what the world expected of me.

You would have thought baby after baby would have come.  According to our math, I could have potentially had 12 kids, but once I figured out the idea of nursing through the night to slow down the cycle and let my cycle come back at a natural time instead of a man-made time, the closest gap was only 20 months and quite frankly I loved having them close together.  Both my husband and I wish we had more children.  There, I've admitted it!  We wish we'd figured out God's plan earlier on, but we can't live in regret.  We sure do try to communicate what we've learned if given a chance though.  Even if I'd had 12 or more, life goes so fast and eventually, as I'm learning, your body does shut down, it does know that you can't have children forever.  The greatest length of time for the average woman is perhaps 20 years of childbearing - unheard of by the world's standards, but in the big picture, if I live to even just 80, that's only 20 years of my whole life - that's not much!  I can handle it!  My oldest is turning 17 soon - how did that happen?  So I can already see what a blip in life it is.  I embrace it.

That's my baby story.  I found out I'm a fox, or a vixen, if you ask my husband (so to speak!).  I'm 45 now.  It may be over.  If it is, I'm so grateful for the 8 I was blessed with.  If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow, I'd be thrilled.  I know I look older now, but I would love it!  Oh, and one other funny thing...with every baby....every baby.....my husband's income went up after the baby was born.  Coincidence?  Or God's provision.

First Principles for a Woman and Chapter 9 - The Z Family Comes to Help

If only I could have brought every woman (and man) I know to hear Nancy Campbell speak this weekend.  She came up from the States to a woman's retreat to speak on "The Power of the Home".  It was incredible teaching, all based on God's Word, of course, so now in the spirit of 2 Timothy 2:7, I'm asking the Lord to "Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything."  I need to now think over all that she taught, ask the Lord for understanding, and trust Him to reveal Himself to me more and more.  Paul encourages Timothy in 2 Timothy to to "teach others also."  Perhaps I wasn't able to bring everyone I knew, but I took extensive notes, so I'm going to try to share a little of what she shared.  Paul said, "The Word of God is not bound!"  So it can leave the retreat, go to a blog and be shared once again in another format!

She began by talking about John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."  The two kingdoms are described, Satan's and God's.  Satan's kingdom is one of destruction where Satan is out to steal and rob.  For us, as moms and wives, he robs the home, the marriage, families.  He wants to rob us of peace, joy, courage, finances, rest, unity.....it goes on and on.  This was the interesting one - He wants to rob mothers from the home.  He literally tries to steal them out of the home where we are intended to be.

She took us back to the beginning, to Genesis where she said God lays out the first principles.  The foundations for marriage and motherhood are built in Genesis.  God does not deviate from what He establishes in the beginning of the Bible.  God made man and placed him in a garden, the first home - the prototype of all homes to come - a place of delight where we love to be, where our husbands love to be, where our children love to be, where God can dwell, a sanctuary.

When Eve was given to Adam it says in the Bible that "a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall be one flesh."  It was so interesting to notice that Adam and Eve had no father and mother to leave!  Yet, by including the words "father" and "mother", though they weren't even in existence yet, shows that fatherhood and motherhood were in the heart of God from the beginning, as was oneness.  It makes sense that Satan wants to attack these very roles that were so important to God.  Eve woke up from her deep sleep, after being created, and interestingly enough, she was a wife!  Just like that!  From the very beginning of time, she was intended to be a wife.  That would be horrid to some women, to hear their life's purpose is to be a wife!  Never!  Evidence, once again, of how Satan has attacked women and their life's purpose. 

Eve was also given the the name, "Eve" right from the beginning - "life giver".  I love that name, it is my 3rd daughter's middle name.   But Eve had no children, why give her a name like that?  Because it was God's purpose for her, the prototype for all women to come, before she was ever pregant.  Adam was speaking prophetically by God of what Eve's role would be.  She was to be a mother!  She was to embrace motherhood.  Yet, of course, this is not received well by most women.  In fact, most women don't even understand their own bodies, how they are created....to have children!  They do everything in the power to stop having children which is actually very dangerous and interestingly enough, the women who do understand their purpose in having children have a much lower incidence of all the female cancers.  It is well documented!

Enough said - suffice it to say, Satan has robbed our culture of the mothers.  He's taken away the glory of being in the home.  So many mothers seek fulfillment outside the home when they can only find true fulfillment in the home.  I was encouraged.

Ok, I'll try to carry on with Stephanie's story now....lots of reading!

Chapter 9 - The Z Family Comes to Help

This is where it all gets a little blurry - I now had 7 children under 12 years old.  We were living in a small basement apartment while we were still finishing the home Renaissance Man building.  It was the lowest time for me emotionally as I just wanted the house to be done.  I wanted to settle, to nest, to have a crib for my new baby!  We intended to move into the house and live there, while, believe it or not, we worked on the farmhouse we were about to close on.  It was an incredibly busy and, at times, very stressful time for all of us. 

During this whole time, Stephanie was now very interested in Mr. A, and it seemed the ball was in our court to have his family come visit us.  How to do that when it was just so busy?!  But, this family is like no other I know.  I can't remember all the details, but somehow I got in touch with them, or they got in touch with me, and the idea of getting together at our house must have been suggested.  By this point, we'd moved into the new house, though it wasn't 100% finished, but it was finished enough to get an occupancy permit.  It still required a ton of carpentry work, finishing touches, etc.  The "Z" family knew we needed help, knew something of our situation and therefore offered, to not only come for dinner, but to stay and help as well.  I couldn't believe it.  We found out, that one of their sons was studying carpentry.   How convenient!  Unbelievably, he offered to help us for several days in a row, to get some of the finish carpentry work done.  I was in awe.   One of their other sons also came and helped with a little bit of plumbing.  So, it turned into a dinner and work party which we all enjoyed very much, Stephanie and Mr. A, in particular.  The Z family was probably the one family out there who understood what we were going through as they were also in the middle of finishing a massive house building project.  I think that was why it was so significant that they came to help us - they weren't even done their own house!  It said volumes about the type of family they were.  We were impressed and deeply touched by their kindness.

During that whole summer we really didn't see much more of their family.  This was a little confusing for Stephanie as she thought things were going to progress a little more quickly than they were.  Instead, it was feeling long and drawn out.  As the summer came to a close I got a call from Mr. A's mom.  She asked how Stephanie was doing and I said, "Not so well.  She's a little confused where she stands with Mr. A."  Well, that must have quickly gone back to Mr. A as it wasn't too long after that that we got a call from him offering to come "help us on our house."  He knew Stephanie was still working for us.  Hmmmm...was he really coming to help us or did he have something else on his mind.......?  We thought so. 



Stephanie still worked for us

ABC's of Financial Freedom and Chapter 8 - Homeschool Conference Man!

I got my hands on Barry Cameron's book, The ABC's of Financial Freedom, this week.  He's the one we heard speak a year ago.  I'm excited to read the book together as a family to restart our resolve.  As I perused it last night I was reminded that he got out of debt in two years and that wasn't any small amount of debt, but a large amount of debt.  When he gave the talk he alluded to a few things he and his family did, but because his talk wasn't even an hour he couldn't give a lot of details.  I'm looking forward to reading the details now and hearing more of his story.  We can't fly down to hear him and he isn't planning on making any trips up this way anytime soon, but I think we need to be reminded of the reasons we are doing this and why it is so critical to stay the course.  I love marking anniversaries of all kinds and this weekend is the anniversary of hearing him speak - I'm trusting for a miracle this upcoming year as we look ahead to another year of ridiculous budgeting, hard sacrifices, major cutbacks (already thinking about the dreaded Christmas debate) and then seeing the freedom from bondage.

Back to Stephanie.....

Chapter 8 - Is it a Bird, or a Plane?  No, It's Homeschool Conference Man!

There he was, helping at the homeschool conference, (hovering possibly?) near our booth.  Hmmm...there's a nice, single young man, Renaissance Man observed.  "Hey Mr. A (that's how I'll refer to our knight in shining armour), can you give me a hand over here?" RM called out.  In a flash, Mr. A ran over and RM ever-so-quickly and casually introduced him to Miss Stephanie who apparently doesn't remember much of this first encounter.  For a few minutes he helped RM take down the booth and then just like he came, he was gone. 

On the way home, I got a call from RM, "I met the guy who is going to marry Stephanie." "Really?" I asked.  Wow, that was fast, I thought to myself.  But then he told me who he was.  It made total sense.  The oldest of four eligible brothers, from a wonderful well-known homeschooling family in homeschool circles, an engineer (just like RM), a godly Christian man who seemed to be going places.....perfect.  Our answer to prayer.  That was in April.

Just a couple of months later, there we were planning, with Stephanie's help, our conference that was to be held in the first week of June.  We were flying by the seat of our pants trying to coordinate everything on a budget.  Out of the blue, Mr. A's parents contacted us and said they were available to do all the sound for us, for free, along with their boys.  At this point, they weren't trying to get their son together with Stephanie.  I don't think they even knew who she was, they were just supporting us as they believed strongly in what we were about and wanted to sincerely be of help to us.  It was a major miracle as far as we were concerned as we had no one to run the sound for us that weekend.

The day of the conference came.  Stephanie was wearing her cutest outfit and was all aglow as she was still in the mindset of "you never know when Mr. Right is going to walk into your life".  In came Mr. A's family to set everything up.  I wasn't there, I would come later, but I know more re-introductions were made and a few more conversations would happen throughout the day.  What was interesting for me was when Mrs. A (his mom) came up to me.   I wish I could remember the exact wording of our conversation.  What I do remember was that there was a lot of eyebrow raising and finger pointing toward two single individuals.  We said something along the lines of this, "Sooo...what would you think about those two?" Mrs. A asked.  "Oh, we've already considered it.  Have you?"  "Oh yes, Sr. A (his dad) and I have been observing her all day and really like what we see."  "Oh really," I said.  "What can we do about this?"  I continued.  "I think we are going to have to stay in touch," she said.  "I agree, " I said smiling.  "Let's try to connect sometime after you've had the baby and get our "families" together (as she knew technically Stephanie wasn't one of our children, but we could make her one if necessary!).  That was it.  No more was said that day between her and I, though I think Mr. A was starting to make the moves towards Stephanie....again, hovering, always hovering, wherever she was.  I found out later they had many conversations all throughout the day.  I think Mr. A had a  plan.  I also found out at some point in the conversation with his mom, that Mr. A had asked his parents to help him find a wife.  I think they thought they may have found her.

Stephanie was excited.  She enjoyed meeting him and was intrigued.  It wasn't long after, perhaps a month or two, when I got the call and the official invite to meet the Z family (Mr. A's parents - sorry about all the letters.....)  I was asked if I could make sure Stephanie came.  Uh, yeah, of course!  I asked if Stephanie was free and she definitely was - cancelled all plans I think to make sure she could be there.

The big day came to go visit.  She was nervous, looking great again!  Almost as soon as we got there, Mr. A was on the scene.  He wasn't being shy about his interest in her.  She was oddly comfortable right from the start - kicked off her shoes and joined the brothers and all my kids in a big game of soccer.  She showed them that she was just as fun as any kid or brother out there!  I'm sure that was impressing him.  During lunch, he stuck to her side like glue.  No wondering which brother was most interested here!  Eventually we all went home and it was clear, she was one happy girl and he was one interested man.

No Chips, Please and Chapter 7 - A Little Help from Her Friends

As we drove home from my sister's on Thanksgiving night, I was a little concerned that everyone would fall asleep, especially the four year old, then wake up as soon as we got home, find out they were hungry (as it was dinner time and they'd eaten a big lunch meal, but kids tend to eat all day!), and then be up all night.  Then I remembered I had a bag of chips in the van, so I quickly told everyone to pass them to the little people so they could have something small in their stomachs, then, when they fell asleep we would be able to transfer them to their beds and not worry about them waking up at 2 am looking for dinner.  It seemed like a great plan.  Who doesn't love chips?  My four year old thinks they are the greatest thing to snack on and because we don't eat them except at a birthday party or something like that, I was sure he would gobble up the whole bag!  Sure enough, he found out chips were being unpacked and couldn't wait to get them, but then suddenly he stopped.  He was listening to me lay out my plan to RM, or so I found out.  "I don't want any," he quickly said.  "What?  Why don't you want any chips?!"  I was dumbfounded.  "I'm not going to sleep."  He was on to me.  Again, I found myself laughing - how does he do that?????  I was speaking quietly to my husband, explaining my get-his-stomach-full plan and he had heard the whole thing.  There was no way he was falling for that, so in the name of strong will, he passed on the chips.  I couldn't believe it.  Sure enough, two seconds later he was asleep.  And sure enough, when we got home, he woke up, empty stomach, hungry and was up until 10 pm.  His plan had worked.  Arghhhh!!  I've got to start speaking in sign language.

The Stephanie Saga continues....

Chapter 7 - A Little Help from Her Friends

Well, she didn't exactly come right out and ask us to find her a husband, but we sure did talk a lot about it as a couple with her.  What she was looking for was help.  We had heard dating described something like this, a series of small divorces each time the boyfriend doesn't work out.  Isn't that true?  Everytime you date someone, you can't help but give a piece of your heart away.  Then, when and if you finally do find someone to marry, that person never gets a complete person emotionally, but a somewhat incomplete person whose heart has gone to others and once those pieces of the heart are gone, you cannot get them back.  They will forever be with those other people.  Stephanie agreed and was tired of that.

People will tell you that it is necessary to find out who you are meant to be with if you just "try out" a whole bunch of different relationships.  I beg to differ.  I was able to determine if my husband was the right one by actually thinking about my closest friendships with my girlfriends.  That may sound strange, as I never dated girls obviously (heaven forbid!) but consider this.  I was so confused at first if RM was "the one" for me, then suddenly, it occurred to me to reflect...who am I best friends in the world with?  As I looked back over the years, I suddenly saw a pattern, a very funny pattern - all my closest girlfriends that I'd ever known (usually roommates) were all female versions of him!  It was true!  And because they had all been roommates of mine, we'd all lived together around the clock and had seen each other at our absolute worst and our absolute best.  I had even joked with a few of them that I wished I could have married them as they were the only ones who understood me!  I suddenly realized in a split second, he was the perfect one for me as he was just like my best female friends, but, yay, a male!  I would be marrying my newest best friend!  It didn't take dating tons of guys to figure that out.   This way, I was able to know beyond a shadow of a doubt he was the one for me.  This, along with my parents' involvement, God's Word and much prayer, saved me much heartache and I was able to go into marriage as a whole person (minus a couple stupid relationships in highschool!)

Stephanie knew herself.  She knew she didn't want to date anymore.  It had already confused her enough.  She'd been raised on Disney, like most young girls, and had always dreamed of a princess-type relationship, or perhaps a knight on a white horse coming to scoop her up....she was starting to realize she didn't trust herself to make a wise choice, so we told her, we'd try to help and that's when we started to pray really intently that God would bring someone along our path that we could introduce to her.  We would help "screen" this potential future husband.  This is what is considered "courtship" nowadays.  It didn't mean that we would pick someone that she wasn't interested in or attracted to, we were just agreeing to help her and be alongside in the process.  We also weren't by-passing her parents' role at all.  They were still very much involved, though they still thought dating was the best way to go.  Well, it turned out it didn't take long....

When she was my husband's assistant, we took her everywhere we went, especially when we did anything related to the book business.  If we went to a homeschool conference she was there, setting up, taking down, standing behind the table.  We sold books, yes, but we literally had Stephanie on "display", too!  She was super friendly, outgoing, and keenly met everyone who came to our table.  Meanwhile, we were spying out any potential guys that would walk by.  There were very few single guys at these conferences unless they were nursing babies as these conferences were for parents who homeschooled!  However, there was one....

Dr. Suess, The Onceler and Chapter 6 - Hair, Vegetables and a New Job

Dr. Suess knew the depravity of man.  He even created a character to describe how man falls into sin.  It's in the book The Lorax.  The character?  The Onceler.  Because the Onceler does something "once", he gets the name, but it wasn't something that was necessarily a good thing, it was doing something that wasn't so good, cutting down one tree,  that led to the slippery slope of all sorts of trees being cut down that ruined the face of the earth.  Later he lives in regret for the rest of his life and tries to redeem himself by sharing his story with the main character in the book so he can avoid making the same mistake.

I share this because last night I was up late talking with RM.  We always sit and evaluate things financially, talk about where we could make adjustments, etc.  I suggested that we take a major look at our last year where we did really well and where we did not-so-well.  Immediately the thought came to me of places where I knew we could have been more careful and I said to him, I think the reason we kind of "give up" in one area or another is because of one small compromise.  As soon as we've given in and made the justification that it'll be "just this once" where we overspend, then the next time the same temptation comes up, we think to ourselves, well, we already blew in that area, I guess it won't matter if we overspend again, and the next thing you know we start overspending in other areas, "cutting down trees", which can only lead to the debt taking much longer to pay off.  He agreed and then he said, "We're Oncelers."  Ouch.

I'm going to be taking this week to go through some past bank statements and then I'm going to give RM and the family a bit of a report, then, I think, seeing as it is coming up to the "anniversary" of getting more serious about killing the debt, we will step back and decide which areas we need to allow no compromises, where we can more determined and where we need to allow ourselves grace as sometimes I found myself in a situation that I spent money but because we were trying to kill debt, I found myself feeling so guilty when the thing I had bought was necessary for living, like groceries!!!  It was true!  Sometimes I'd be in the grocery store and I would come back with hardly anything as I felt we couldn't afford to eat!  It wasn't true, of course, but I had gotten myself in such a tizzy that I was oddly out of balance in my resolve to kill debt.  RM would always scold me when I got like that and tell me, "We have to eat!"  Of course, I knew that, but that's what I'm talking about with respect to giving myself grace - we need winter boots, we need to heat our home, we need to eat.  I will still try to not overspend or pay full price for anything, but I will buy what our family needs if our family needs it.

More to come on that as the week unfolds....

Chapter 6 -  Hair, Vegetables and A New Job

Stephanie was changing in all sorts of areas - being the best daughter and sister she could be and the most available bachelorette in town.  She and I had also had a few funny heart-to-hearts about why she had such short hair and why she was a vegetarian.  It turns out she was a bit of a closet feminist.  Not really anti-male, but anti-superfluous beauty.  Her short hair was a way of trying to not draw attention to herself, to not look feminine.  I explained to her that the Bible even dealt with this, including hair!  By no means is it sinful to have short hair.  I had short hair for many years of my life.  I know many godly women who have short hair - it isn't any less feminine.  It's always about your heart, though.  You can be a very ungodly woman with gorgeous long hair or a very godly woman with very short hair.  In Stephanie's case, she was deliberately keeping it short to fight the nature God had placed in her.  The Bible speaks about a woman's hair being her "glory"!  Growing it can be another beautiful feminine attribute which is why I dislike long hair so much on a man as it makes them look so feminine.   She considered this and like the idea of trying to be more feminine as opposed to less feminine.  It was simply a matter of seeing how God made men and women very different, equal, yes, but different.  We have different roles and different abilities.  It would naturally follow that we look different, too and boy, oh boy - what a transformation!  She went from literally having hair cut as close to your head as a man, to long beautiful hair in a fairly short period of time.  I've tried to grow my hair for years and her's has surpassed my in length many times over!  I envy.


I'm not sure all the reasons she was a vegetarian except that she was concerned about the inhumanity to animals and thought by being a vegetarian it would make a sort of a personal moral stance.  However, she had moved home to a full-out meat-eating family!  There must have been some discussion about this before she moved back home as they weren't planning on cooking two separate meals upon her return.  I think that must have been hard for her to give up as this was a decision she had made back at university, but because her dad was doing most of the cooking when she first arrived home, and because he or anyone else in the family didn't hold the same opinion in this area, what's a girl to do?  She ended up giving it up in the name of honouring her parents and being under their roof.  I thought this was really noble and respected her greatly for submitting in this area.  It wasn't "caving" in the sense where on the outside she was eating meat, but on the inside she was a vegetarian - that isn't submission, respect or honour at all!  I think she truly submitted without any grumbling or complaining.  I'm sure it didn't go unnoticed by her family.  She's still eating meat today, though she is still concerned about cruelty to animals!


Meanwhile, during this whole experience, life had been going a hundred miles an hour, or "gazelle intensity" as a certain financial guru likes to put it, in our lives as well.  When Stephanie first came to live with us for her practicum, we had just made the decision to pack up our house and move to Niagara to build a house, sell it and then buy a farm.  In the midst of all this packing up, moving and resettling while we built, we found ourselves running a book business where we sold Christian books about family, marriage and homeschooling at homeschool conferences and on-line.  We were also planning a conference for the first time where we were bringing in a speaker from the States speaking about church, family discipleship, and raising our children with intentionality to know the gospel.  I also found myself pregnant with our seventh child!  In addition to this my husband had a full-time engineering job that was in its busiest time with contract after contract due all at the same as building the house!  PLUS, we took on some additional help in the form of three teenage brothers who we needed to help us in the building of the house.  It turns out they helped us in many other ways, but that was the primary reason we took them in, so they lived with us for 6 months which meant I was cooking for at least 11 people all the time.  Stephanie was a godsend in the middle of all this chaos.

She still hadn't found full-time work other than all the volunteering she was doing and helping at home.  My husband needed an assistant, at least a part-time one.  I would have loved to have been able to help him more, but it just seemed too much on top of homeschooling and running a busy house of 11 people.  We approached Stephanie with this idea and she really liked it.  We just didn't want it to impact her new role at her house, so she thought and prayed about it, spoke with her parents, and everyone seemed ok with doing it on a part-time basis.  This was a tremendous load lifted off of my husband's shoulders.  It was also nice for Stephanie and me as she and I were able to debrief almost daily, pray more and have that little extra help if a kid was crying or if I needed to run out and get two grocery carts of food on my own!  Stephanie also developed a special relationship/friendship with my husband who kind of took her under her wing like the father took me under his wing in Colombia.  He and Stephanie were really the ones that were "related" - I was only related through marriage.  Because of this special time together where she worked for him, she is one of the few people in the world who understands my husband.  It is the funniest thing to see even now if she happens to be over when he's come in from a hard day.  She quickly runs over, moves stuff out of the way so he won't trip, offers him a drink or something to eat!  She knows what makes him tick!!!!  If she's around and his keys are missing or a file, Stephanie jumps up and starts looking and is usually the one who finds the missing item!  I love seeing how he cares for her as if she were one of our own children.  He thought he could only love his wife and kids, but he found out, there was more love in him to give.  It's very special and we all know it.   So, looking back on that crazy time when all those things were going on, we wonder how we all made it, but we did and I'm convinced it was because God sent us an angel in the form of Stephanie!

One thing our family loved doing was getting as much teaching from mature believers that were a step ahead of us.  We didn't know a lot of people out in the Niagara area yet, so we looked for this kind of teaching from like-minded believers at conferences down in the States whenever we could get a chance.  The kinds of conferences we attended were meant for entire families, in fact, it was encouraged, but at the same time, it is never easy to bring a baby or a toddler and expect them to sit through hours of teaching.  It occurred to us, why not bring Stephanie as a mother's helper?!  We approached her again with yet another crazy idea and told her we would even fly her down (we drove and had no extra room for her)!  She liked this idea, too, as she was also wanting to receive teaching and more instruction in the faith.  A conference provides intense teaching in a short amount of time - more bang for your buck!

It was early December and a cold time to travel, but we were so excited to take a break from all the intensity of life.  Stephanie was unfortunately sick with a cold for most of the conference, but she took in as much teaching as she could.  On one of the first mornings there, she sat in on a talk by Voddie Bachaum, 8 am, she reminded me recently, front row.  She couldn't wait to hear this one, no doubt - "Sufficiency of Scripture and Feminism"!  When she walked into his talk, she would have called herself a Christian feminist as she thought the two were compatible.  She walked out of his talk something completely different!  Voddie shared that Scripture teaches how Christianity empowers women and that it doesn't really look anything like modern-day feminism.   She was exposed to some fairly serious topics along those lines at that conference that she'd never thought about before and she was really challenged, but it was good.  Everytime she wasn't certain about something one of the speakers said we were able to debrief over dinner or in between talks.  I could see the lights go on in her mind in all sorts of areas.  Of course, one of the main reasons we were bringing her to events like this was always with the idea that you just never know when you might bump into a future husband!  We were always keeping our eye out for her!

By this point she had tried to talk with her dad in particular about her desire to get married.  I'm not sure exactly how she worded it, but she was trying to get his input - would he help her find a spouse?  Would he want to be involved in the process?  That made no sense to him whatsoever.  Do what you want, Stephanie!  Date as many guys as you can, Stephanie!  That's how you'll find the right one!  That had been Stephanie's approach so far, but she no longer wanted to do it that way.  She decided to talk to my husband.....